Endeared Forever
8:00 am and an empty table never felt so inviting. The stir of echoes around me never carried so much hope, and a strange house never felt more like home. Our first home!
Folded into myself, I savor, the aroma of perfectly brewed beans. Contented, I dawdle in the liquid fires of cocoa, coffee, and cream. I love coffee... when it doesn't really taste like coffee. Staring leisurely into the foam I trace around the rim; I wonder, how a simple early morning coffee can conjure so many thoughts of us; when it carries not a hint of you? There are no characteristics of the hot concoction that jump out and scream your name.
Maybe that is just it; maybe it is the way the creamy brown contradicts the millions of blue I could count in your eyes. Your contradictions have always found me the deepest... found me and held me captivated.
Speaking of which; I bet right now, you are just taking the first hit of your morning cigarette. You know I despise the rancid smell of nicotine. You always say you'll quit when you're thirty... I always argue, why not now? Still yet, everyday I excitedly wait for 11:00 when the hands of the clock will open our door to your afternoon break, and the lingering hints of stale smoke; wrapping arms around me. Thirty minutes of time for my head on your shoulder, time for me to breathe you in and burn another memory across my heart. Thirty minutes never passed so fast.
Jolted from the spaces of my daydream, my smile instantly connects the playful giggles that scoot across the floor. I swear, a disturbance never was so beautiful. My heart melts; sugar into my coffee, as I watch her determination to crawl. Her big eager eyes search mine for the encouragement to try again. Man it hits me hard- a bullet shattering the bewilderment of my gaze.
It's the way the frothy swirls of faded brown remind me of her eyes. The same eyes that blend your rich oasis blue with her own earthy tones. This can only be explained as a puddle on a rainy day. It's like looking into the depths of rippled water; just slightly hit by the sun.
The taste of emotion and thought drops me in the curve of memory.
I'm taken back a few years; I was seventeen when I suddenly woke up to the heartbreaking fear that I loved you, no longer. I couldn't breathe, grasping for any strand of understanding on life without you. I couldn't force my heart to dream of a day when that would come; yet, still my mind sunk feelings that I wanted one. For days I refused to leave my bed, and I cried enough tears to drown a thousand years. I couldn't manage to crawl from within the ache that had consumed my life. I fell so very far, that the doctor deemed me depressed and only ended up force feeding me drugs.
I find it easy to forget all the details of how this started, but never will I forget the day you saved me. The day you simply asked me what was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to explain it to you; hell, I couldn't even explain it to myself. Struggling for the words, I left it at the fact that I felt hurt and sad, and I didn't understand why. You pulled me into your arms and held me. You asked no more questions, just held me until the tears stopped; and silence never held so much.
Funny now, when I look back, it never crossed my mind; if I hadn't loved you the mere thought would not have made me so severely sick. The fear of losing you would not have felt like a rotting plague eating away at the very fibers of my every dream.
Of course, I can't say that the pieces of my broken world fell right into place- rather each day wove another thread to sew us back together. In that one moment I know that someday we would be okay.
11:00 am, four years later, and I know now, that I love you endlessly.
Author notes
A letter to my husband.
Whispered Devotions
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Four [Top 10] by traffic light.
550 points, ended January 21, 2009, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Coffee and/or Cigarettes by jayyniecakes..
400 points, ended February 16, 2009, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I would love a critical comment on how I can make these lyrics better.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"I find it easy to forget all the details of how this started, but never will I forget the day you saved me. The day you simply asked me what was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to explain it to you; hell, I couldn't even explain it to myself. Struggling for the words, I left it at the fact that I felt hurt and sad, and I didn't understand why. You pulled me into your arms and held me. You asked no more questions, just held me until the tears stopped; and silence never held so much."
loved it! -
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Thank you for the nice comment. I was hoping that you'd like it even though only the begining speaks of coffee and ciggerettes... though I figured you didn't mean the whole entire prose had to be devoted to coffee or ciggerettes. lol anyway thank you again for taking the time to comment on my piece. I know I entered it in your contest but that doesn't mean you are obligated to spend the time to comment so I appreciate that.
Also I am sorry that I forgot to add my user name to this but it is in there now.
Amy
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97 - X Factor
originality: 9/10
General creativity: 10/10
[enough] poetic devices: 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 9/10
cohesion: 9/10
mechanics: 7/10
rules/restrictions followed: 10/10
emotion [presented in letter]: 10/10
emotional response [of the reader]: 9/10
personal opinion: 9/10
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 97
There were many punctuation errors and some grammar ones too, and some of the ideas weren't entirely original; but the creative effort did show.
There is a very mature tone in your voice, particularly in this write. That is what shadowed the technical/mechanical hiccups.
I was on the fence when it came to deciding if this was X Factor material or not. Regardless of the "faults" in this write, there is spunk, energy, and personality - which is quite different compared to the other entries. If I remember correct, this is the only letter that had a positive, cheery theme to it. With that said, this does stand out.
Even with that set aside, the emotion pours from the page, and I agree with Laura. This is "X Factor" worthy.
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101 X-Factor
originality: 10
General creativity: 10
[enough] poetic devices: 9
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 9
cohesion: 9
mechanics: 10
rules/restrictions followed: 10
emotion [presented in letter]: 10
emotional response [of the reader]: 9
personal opinion: 10
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5
Total possible: 100
Your words touched me in a way; teenage heartache is something I know pretty well, as do most others. I really like the fact that you wrote about a universal theme, but it wasn't really cliched. So that's why I decided to give you the X-Factor.
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101 X Factor
originality: 10
General creativity: 10
[enough] poetic devices: 10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 9
cohesion: 10
mechanics: 8
rules/restrictions followed: 10
emotion [presented in letter]: 10
emotional response [of the reader]: 9
personal opinion: 10
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5
Total possible: 100
You have some grammatical errors in the second paragraph...
"cocoa"
&
"how can a simple early morning coffee can conjure so many thoughts of us;" - the first "can" needs removing in order for that to make sense.
Your emotion in this was strong, yet in places where there's a lot of description, your passion slipped slightly and for brief moments I heard your voice instead of your soul.
Overall though, an excellent piece that captivated me...hence the extra credit - well done
Laura
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