i want to study the muscles on your face
pull and push like continents
on one of those metal earth-globes.
each slight permutation a fresh sign
of realizing how far i’ve come
from could-you-spare-some-change
and lonelier-than-a-shadow.
you would then open your mouth
like an avalanche of forgiving the past,
you will finally know me and
what comes next almost won’t matter.
not because i miss you, just because
i can’t do it.
Author notes
Jan. 20, 2009
and it's so hard to do it, i can barely acknowledge that this is it.
i can't tell with much accuracy.
but i know because i know what i want him to say and do.
A contest entry
- the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - two hundred. by Captain Obvious.
875 points, ended February 8, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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hmm... I feel some real emotion here. I was really looking for inspiration on us forgiving others and us forgiving ourselves. Perhaps I didn't make that clear in the contest. We will never really know happiness as long as we think it depends on someone else. True happiness comes from inside, not outside. This I believe.
Namaste, fellow adventuring soul -
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yes, I read your contest as "enter poems on forgiving others or self"... I didn't say in the poem that I thought it was up to others, though.
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Oh yes, now I see. It's all about you being forgiven by another person, just as the title says. Sorry It took me so long.
These are my beliefs: We're all already forgiven by God, but we don't believe it. When someone else shows that they can forgive us, it is a great relief. Subconsciously then, we believe we're forgiven by God also. Actually, I've been thinking about this a lot recently.
Thank you for entering and making me think this though.
Namaste - which means 'I honor the divine in you and me'.
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nah, don't worry, you almost got it right the first time; others got the opposite of what I was saying.
Yes, that's one point of view, but I don't believe in God so I can't quite count on that... it does make me wonder if, should I believe and believe s/he forgives me, I would feel at peace for once. You make me think too.
Yes, I've always thought that was a beautiful word
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this is amazing.. i really love the metafores you used, like "from could-you-spare-some-change
and lonelier-than-a-shadow."
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this is by far one of the best pieces of writing i've read in a very long time.
it made me ache and hurt but i loved it.
i can hardly describe in words how great this is.
thanks you so much for entering this in my contest.
good luck! :]
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Thank you I'm flattered you liked it so much.
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yes.
thanks for entering. -
yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
I love the beginning of this - it is perfect! The image of the muscles moving like that reminds me how someone I know looks when he is clenching his jaw ... very vivid the separation of the ending makes it stronger - and I really like the way that it works to sum up the entire poem - kind of like you had to build yourself up to the realisation. Of course - you know that you can do it or at least I think you can
Polly
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You think I can, but it's been five years of getting happier-and-happier and I'm starting to believe I can't. Thanks for the comment
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i want to study the muscles on your face
pull and push like continents
on one of those metal earth-globes.
there's something grammatically confusing there.
I feel like it should either be:
i want to study the muscles on your face
pulling and pushing like continents
on one of those metal earth-globes.
or
i want to study the muscles on your face that
pull and push like continents
on one of those metal earth-globes.
that aside, I LOVE the comparison of muscles to continents on a metal globe.
I also love the last three lines.
overall, I love this.
and I use that word too much.
thanks for entering! -
This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
That being said, I really liked this.
I felt it was so raw, that it was beautiful.
I don't usually like short poems, because they often leave much to be desired, but this was totally different.
I enjoyed reading this, and I thought your imagery and word choice were awesome.
I'll be back.
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thank you
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"you will finally know me"
Make me ache much.
This is too great.
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simply stunning...
raw and painful, but oh so good.
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Thank you
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i know, i know.
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"not because i miss you, just because
i can’t do it."
ugh, I know how that feels right now. This is gorgeous and painful to read, for me especially. Maybe I should have waited for my mood to improve before I read it. However, I'm glad that I didn't. Because this reeks of reality and poetry, and I really need that right now..
♣ Tegan
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Thank you, that comment means a lot to me. I hope all goes well for you; for the both of us actually
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I hope all goes well for the both of us too! If you ever need to talk or anything feel free to shoot me an IM.
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Actually, I was just being too shy to ask you what happened. Your comment intrigued me. (that's neither good nor bad, so you know).
Thanks... if you need to talk, you can IM me too. Actually, maybe we both should sometime. Or something.
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erm... it's kind of hard to talk about. All I can really say is that my prose piece "plan b." is about what's going on. You don't have to comment or anything, but yeah. I'm still not sure how to put it into words right now. And I really couldn't anyway because I'm in school and my teacher can see everything that I type. Heh... ^.^;;
And I agree. I think we both should.
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Oh, k, I'll go read it.
Heh... if you think of it, I'm sure you'll find words. My own poetic drama is, I found the words, wrote and rewrote them. Even sang them. For nothing. Ah well, at least I'm overall a happy camper
Yep, maybe we should when you're not in school. -
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Yeah, that sounds familiar to me these last few days.
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Aww.
Maybe we're alter-egos and don't know it. -
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Maybe...
-turns on Twilight Zone theme music-
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this was wonderfully beautiful, thank you for showing me a piece of you... I hope all goes well
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