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Don't Care

I try to live within my mind
but every hurdle I come to
there's you.

I try to pull apart
the lies I'm forever told
by you

You try to break me
slowly you're succeeding
and I can't fight much longer

I could try to stay in line
with the rest of my kind
you would rejoice
in my submission
this halfhearted confession.

I'm trying to pull myself away
and it seems to draw me closer
the way you left everything behind
like you simply don't care



    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Luthien Luinwe
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you used repetition to get the point across in the first two stanzas. However the last sentence just seems to stop. Maybe rewrite it so it flows a little better, it seems a little unfinished. Of course then again it could be intentional which kind of works to prove a point. Very interesting poem. Good work hun!