Nothing beyond tomorrow
The groovy hail of empty spaces
Mourning the loss of innocence
Behind the doorframe of creative thinking
Hunting though hurting
Punching at life only to find
Your the cherry
on top of the cream
in the pineapple upside down cake
the person across the table is eating
Author notes
Word bank option #8
[] pineapple..................[] tomorrow..................[] spaces
[] groovy..................... [] mourning..................[] nothing
[] hail........................ [] doorframe.................[] empty
[] beyond.................. [] punching..................[] hurting
[] thinking.................. [] creative.................. [] hunting
Shakes-spear
Sometimes we think we know others, only to find we have no clue who they are at all. They drain the life from us and leave nothing but an empty glassl. There is the opportunity to find it again, but you have to risk losing again. Some never get over the fear of the first loss.
A contest entry
- Options For Those In Search Of Something New #2 by kitsmith.
750 points, ended February 6, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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How you fit so many words into such a short piece I don't know, but it's good. I had to go back and check lol. That's a good thing, though, because they weren't obvious.
Great job and thanks!
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Good.
Very good. This is why: When you said the cherry on top of the cream, I said to myself wow. I am hungry and I am inspired. Very good work. I think that you may win this contest. This poem was very deep and expressive about the lost of innocent and about how you found love in the end. Very touching.
Good work and write on! -
Excellent & Deep
This, darling Bubba, is quite excellent and not just because you used the word bank as metaphor in such a perfect way. It has depth, emotion, and wonderful imagery; but, more importantly, you definitely reveal that one doesn't always know the person they think they know. I know the reasons for that but. . . not called for here.
This should win the GOLD, for it is nothing short of excellent writing: so much more that just meeting the use of a word bank. You completely meet the contest prompt of "In Search of Something New."
When one loses, they should never fear trying again. It's the losses that tell us we are doing "something" instead of nothing. Sooner or later, we are bound to get it right, whatever that might be.
Much love and hugs, SisBon
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I understand this quite well, actually. I've had this kind of experience - with Dewey's father & even my own self. I really like how it was serious & not humerous - like you know the subject is too somber for laughter.
Excellent poem!
We love you & sends & kisses!
~Bright
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Beautiful. Just take my breath away. Write on! So complex and beautiful.
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You touch my heart in one way or another every time.
Yes your message is clear and as a matter of fact I can say that I completely agree, because I can relate to your words. I think at one time or another we all meet at sometime in our life people that are not what they seem to be, and it does hurt. But like the old saying goes, one bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch, or however it goes.
I love word bank prompts and I must say you done very well with this one. Than again I think you do very well with everything.
Just so you know I think you're the best...
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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this is really, really good. power in the metaphors you chose for this. best of luck in contest!
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