tattered autumn fields
upon the melting sunday snow
boys walk through the rain
-to walk an hour with my friends
on a day lost to boredom
Author notes
Contest Tanka's of longing PIF by Draig aine
In a list
A contest entry
- Tanka's of longing PIF by Draig aine.
1400 points, ended January 30, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hello DogFish,
I am enjoying "tattered autumn fields". I especially like the contrast between the first three lines and the last two lines. In the first 3 lines you clearly establish the quintessential quality of ongoing seasonal change where the reader is taken to the cusp of autumn mixed with snow and rain. These images of fluctuation and indeciveness contrast strongly with the juxtaposed images of "walking an hour" with friends--for it is friends who we humans after all depend upon for companionship, constancy and stability. Your tanka is nicely put together--strong images supporting an important message about human relationships.
jd -
Those sort of memories always have such sentiment attached that when we recall, it seems so pleasant to relive. Nicely done.
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Quite a lovely write. I like the line about walking an hour with your friends. That would always deflect any boredom that lingered. Excellent. Good luck in the contest.
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Very nicely done, a setting of mood and weather.
Love 'to walk an hour with my friends' - resonant line for me.
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Yes I have had many days lost to boredom. Lovely tanka methinks.
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Yes. I loved this.
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really well done
thanks
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