The stars were shining brightly,
But nothing glowed more than you.
We were laying in a field of grass that felt like blades.
The corner of my eyes were dripping liquid and I couldn’t tell why.
There was a hole in the back of my chest; but I can’t name the reason.
“Are people like stars?”
I ask, solely to distract myself from the anxiety.
“No.”
Short and succinct.
Every answer’s the same these days.
“Why? I think they are.”
“Because they’re not. Why are you even asking?”
Your bitter tone slices right through me.
It feels like your eyes upon the sky are burning open a wound in me.
“Stars are pretty. People can be pretty.”
There is a pause.
I continue.
“And stars can explode. They can feel like they’re bursting in the sky, but the human eye can’t see. People are like that.” I wish for you to say something, but you don’t so I try again.
“Don’t you think that people are like constellations at all?”
You sit considering this.
“I think people can be like the Halley’s comet.
People can disappear for years and years, but in the unexpected moment they return, it was all worth it.”
You sigh after finishing,
And I know there is a hidden meaning in your sentence but I can’t decipher it.
You turn on your side so we’re facing.
“Like love” I mutter.
“yeah. Like love.”
“Well you’d be my Halley’s comet.”
There is silence.
Complete and empty silence.
The quiet is seeping from my eyes in shedding tears.
You get up.
And leave.
I could see galaxies crashing into each other far away;
But nothing every hurt like you.
Author notes
prompt:
halleys comet.
sorry if it's not very good.
A contest entry
- round one; the circle continues by stargazer..
800 points, ended March 28, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - tear-stained pillows hold the truth by edit my world..
575 points, ended February 23, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - And I screamed "I love you" but you just walked away... by August Starlight.
775 points, ended February 12, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
. . . There's not much left to say . . .
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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OH MY GOD.
I loved this.
It was so emotional and vivid and the star metaphor worked amazingly well. This was just wonderful. It took my breath away.
"I could see galaxies crashing into each other far away;
But nothing every hurt like you." the ending was perfect.
This is an awesome write. Well penned.
~HH
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Wow thanks so so soo much!!! Means so much coming from you. I'm in like awe of your work!
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"But nothing glowed more then you." -- "then" should be "than".
"Your bitter tone slices right through me." - just a suggestion: take out "right" - just some word economy. This could do without that word.
“I think people can be like the Halley’s comet.
People can disappear for years and years, but in the unexpected moment they return it was like it was all worth it.”
the "it was like it was all worth it" seems jumbled in there. Perhaps put a dash or semi colon, or comma before that clause, that way the thought seems more organized.
Besides those suggestions...I thought what you had here was cute.
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Okay thanks, *makes changes*
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This is different than anything I've ever read before. It's good, quite well-written.
Thanks for entering. =] -
COOOOOOL~
totally so sweet! -
this..is just amazing.. i love it so so much.
i used to describe me his relationship to the stars..and anything that made me smile, but now we're like clashing hurricanes...
we're powerful and destructive and leave a mess.
thnx so much for entering.
♥
dani -
woaah
amazing take on the prompt.
i've never read anything that unique on the halleys comet before. this is brilliant.
i love the ending. and the part where you talk about stars exploding like people.
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'The stars were shining brightly,
But nothing glowed more then you.'
and...
'I could see galaxies crashing into each other far away;
But nothing every hurt like you.'
your opening and ending is absolutely amazing
it...dazzled me
...i really wanted to use dazzle sowie lol
♥
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Wow,the way you take on a prompt...you just make it entirely your own and I seriously have not found anyone else on this site that can do what you do. You completely write the unexpected. I have no idea if my rambling is making any sense at the moment, but wow, i dont even know what else to say. you are so talented!
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wow!! this is AMAZING
holy molly! ur so gud at this! wow
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Wow i cant even explain how much i loved this im speechless the dialogue was amazing and the metaphors were beautiful.
Congrats you're a finalist. -
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oh wow; thanks so much=] i get a bit nervous writing for my favourites cause they are just so far beyond me; but i'm really happy now(:
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This is so breathtaking. I love the constant use of metaphors and how you went from" The stars were shining brightly, But nothing glowed more then you." to "I could see galaxies crashing into each other far away;
But nothing every hurt like you." I also love how you chose to write it. Awesome write. ^_^
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wow.
wow thanks so much!!
i didn't think it was that good, b ut your comment just made my day=]
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