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Missing image

A breath of air,

               it's cold.


Snow melted almost, footprints

in slush; Chill from the ocean.

Rocks crumbling like my soul in

motion setting out for the sea,

swept away in a gust of wind -

                               Lost to me.

Icy fingers tangle through my hair

making glass out of tears.

Walls torn down without permission, I am bare

to the world. Inner depths marked

clearly for tourist points.


Take photographs, make notes if you desire

of this sad girl sitting here.

Remember though for you to visit

this gallery, she lost all -

                             Open 9-4.

 

Author notes

recently i held a contest with this image. i wrote this before deciding to add the image. i just thought it fit. Esc rosie hardy.
I feel, breached. Something happened and someone whom i trusted took liberty of that.

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think?

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Bob Fox
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    Young poetry

    Such a deep sadness and a picture drawn in the cold & snow. I am passing by as I glimpse at your sadness. Smile.


  • angelli803
    January 23

    Edit | Reply

    wow..

    beautiful and intricate, the words came together in my mind flooding me with your feeling.. i didn't even need your notes!!
    well written and good luck my dear!


  • Dorian-Gray
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome, I love this. It's so descriptive, when I read it I get a vivid image of what you feel. It's harsh emotionally. It feels very angry and it really makes me feel uncomfortable the way you describe the feeling of being 'bare to the world'.
    "Walls torn down without permission, I am bare
    to the world. Inner depths marked
    clearly for tourist points."
    An excellent write as always, I particularly liked that part. I actually don't think the image fits that well, but you said you put it in as an after thought, so it's no big deal. I just think the image shows more of a 'trapped' feeling rather than an 'expossed' feeling.


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment, but i didnt put the picture on as an 'exposed' it was more 'bare' and also trapped, no choice but to be bare and show whats being shown because it was already taken.


  • couldbeworse
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    loved this so much especially how well it goes with the pic.
    fav:
    Take photographs, make notes if you desire

    of this sad girl sitting here.

    Remember though for you to visit

    this gallery, she lost all -

    Open 9-4.


  • Ademon
    January 19
    Edit | Reply
    alright i'm going to be completely honest with you laura, this poem is completely abstract in thought and in tale, to understand your complicated mind through this poem to me is like riding a bicycle through water filled with mines.... the imagery that you've shown in this piece is simply beautiful and vibrant with color... Thank you for sharing this with me dear. I'm not sure this helped....probably didn't I'm sorry sometimes I'm not great with giving advice.
    Aaron


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 19
      Edit | Reply
      haha. honestly reading your comment made me giggle thanks for the time for reading it. its simple to understand but i guess only if youre aware of the situation im in =/ I appreciate your time
      Laura


      • Ademon
        January 19

        Edit | Reply
        Ok...so re-reading this and trying to understand this tell me if I'm wrong or not....the first stanza is speaking of how you feel right now and the fact that you've lost your soul, and that you're not longer whole...hence the icy footprints and slush and so forth. the second stanza speaks of the heart that was taken from you without your permission and how you feel naked without the love and you feel that you are vulnerable to everyone who sees you. In the final stanza you speak with pain that you are a mere outer shell of sort that is on display to all who look upon you because you have no other choice but to be that way.....


        After reading this again, this is the way I understood what you are speaking of...without knowing your given situation hon.

        Aaron


        • morgana raven Greeters member
          January 19
          Edit | Reply
          Yeah you pretty much got it spot on with this one here even without knowing the situation ^_^ your insight is appreciated, thank you very oh so very much for your time =)
          Laura

1 - 10 of 10