Won't you whisper
me a sad goodbye,
go through the broken
shards of the window
and never look back?
---
Kiss me softly on
the cheek;
leave a spot
where the tears stopped
falling,
perhaps for only a second.
---
Watch you leave
into the darkness
where you know my
ruby slippers will
never follow.
--
The last star fades
into the twilight;
only for the cycle to
sleep;
to rise once again.
Author notes
I have no idea.
I really really don't.
In a list
A contest entry
- favorites submit a PW by written-in-ink.
550 points, ended February 20, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
^^ Didn't like it? The back button is up there ^^
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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aww sad. but I liked it; it was beautiful. In my opinion you did a great job with this one =) and it flowed really well and the picture made it even better. Keep writing.
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Beautiful and heartbreaking...I love it and am still caught up in the spell it cast! Thank you for sharing this!
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I loved this, it flows so well!
And the picture with it makes it even better.
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you killed me
so heart touching. and tearful
i have no idea how to comment
really, i have no idea
you did great
keep up the good work
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Thank you very much ^^
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Same old same old. Try experimenting with a more extensive vocabulary instead of resorting back to the typical poetic word bank. Right now as it stands, I see no discrimination from any other poem. Try a dictionary, learn new ways to express your self. It makes you stand out as an individual.
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Well considering I was in the middle of a nasty fight and the middle of writers block I'd say this is okay. More for the fact it was never meant to be an outstanding poem in the dictionary sense, just a way to get my feelings on paper. Note the;
"I have no idea.
I really really don't. "
If you actually cared to see any of my other poems, you'd find they're much better than this.
Oh, just as a general minute little thing, maybe you should look at a dictionary too. "discrimination" which you wrote means; "treating people differently through prejudice: unfair treatment of one person or group, usually because of prejudice about race, ethnicity, age, religion, or gender"
I think the word you're looking for there is distinction; "difference: a difference between two or more people or things, or the recognition of such a difference"
My teacher taught us; Never use a big word word when a small one does the same job. My boyfriend taught me a very valuable lesson too; don't use big words if you don't know the meaning, because mostly others won't know either.
Merci for the post
I'll keep it in mind for the future.
x
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I dunno..guess i liked it
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wow thats really good. i like it a lot
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I loved it. I wish I could write the way you do.
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Awesome job! I loved the words you chose to use! Loevly! Best wishes and keep up the awesome work, my friend!
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it flows very well i will give you that.
i'm slightly confused at to what you are expressing. part of me thinks that, you're experiencing a loss.
i have nothing really critical to say and that could be a good or bad thing.
thnx for entering
♥
dani
[you're going on to the 2nd round] -
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Thank you :]
And truthfully I don't know what I was experiencing either >.<
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it has this very flowy moood to it and it all just glides amazingly well to the point where i have no idea
it just is sweet like a lullabye
i loved that
first stanza hits you
and it like just shocks you
and idk
it kept me reading
and i liked how it all went through
so heartbreaking
i understand
thank you for sharing
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It's... it's pretty.
Good job! -
wow! My first thought was the picture, beautiful and brilliant! Second, You have an Amazing write here! The flow, was simply amazing, I felt many strong emotions with this piece, one of which was saddness. Wonderful work!
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