Latent waters pull
beneath torrent oceans rage
A ghost ship sets sail
in search all who tread on hope
At shore a stairway beckons
A contest entry
- God's Grace and Forgiveness Form Poetry by melphleg.
700 points, ended January 31, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CELEBRATE 17 NOVEMBER- FOR AWARD-WINNING POEMS OF THE PAST YEAR by Vera Rich.
700 points, ended November 21, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I am unfamiliar with this form of poetry. Thank you for exposing me to something new. I loved your beautiful imagery. You've painted a lovely picture with your carefully chosen words.
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Thank you so much.. I'm just learning these new forms myself. Many groups and contests here at AP offer an opportunity to learn a wide variety of style and forms. You should try.
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This is incredibly beautiful!
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Thank you Frogzter
~Mary O
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I like the imagery. I prefer poems that have imagery and metaphor as your piece does. I am impressed that you took Amera's critique and improved the piece. You piece seems to cover the work of the Holy Spirit convicting us of sin and drawing us to Jesus.
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Thank you, malphleg. I'm pleased that Amera took the time to give an honest critique; very helpful.
~Mary O
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You got it! Now it's up to melphleg. Good luck!
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Thank you Amera,
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Your poem is beautiful but I was asked to co-judge this contest to comment on the structure of form. I think you should edit this poem before the contest is judged. The syllable count for a Tanka is specific. Your syllable count is: 7/5/7/5/7/7 , In Japanese, tanka is often written in one straight line, but in English and other languages, we usually divide the lines into the five syllabic units: 5/7/5/7/7
Many writers of English-language tanka use less than 31 syllables to achieve the form in English but I have never seen more syllables used.
Usually, each line consists of one image or idea; unlike English poetry, one does not seek to "wrap" lines in tanka, though in the best tanka the five lines often flow seamlessly into one thought.
Here is a good resource for form guidelines:
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html
Love,
Amera♥
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Okay, I revised. Hope I'm there with this one. Let me know what you think. Thanks again,
~Mary O -
Thank you so much for the info. I must have transposed the number count in my mind when I looked it up. I'll change this right away.
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