Your hand feels soft and warm upon mine.
The cool crisp air outside is causing our breath to fog up the stain glass window.
My feet are gliding, synchronised with the beat in your eyes.
I can hear the rumble of the beach in my ear.
Waves were crashing just metres from us;
And I can feel my heart eroding from the acidic water in your presence.
After all your lies and all my heartbreak;
It seems odd we are dancing here, hand in hand.
The chemical intoxication of tequila++sorrow slips in-between my inhibitions;
Loosening the logic I always protected.
~~
I remember the day I knew I loved you;
We were gliding under the surface of humanity;
Lost in a bubble we called our own.
And you took my eyes and said:
“There will never be a moment I love you less then the sun”
And your words hit me like serrated bullets;
Carving my chest until there was a berth were my organ beat.
; you fondled my heart and removed it tentatively.
Like you weren’t quite sure where we go now.
~~
But now;
Pirouetting to a song we can’t understand,
That moment seems so far away.
I try to clutch it; grasping desperately into the desolate land of memories,
But every time it drifts above my forcefully hands,
And I can only catch a glimpse of who we used to be.
And I’m afraid to collapse in your arms.
Apprehension is crawling up my throat like a slow dragging knife;
burning all the words and questions I crave to ask.
I fear that my bobby pin stitched heart will come undone for you all over again.
I fear that my broken eyes will repatch themselves just to get a glance at who we could be.
I fear that if I let you; we will make all the same mistakes again.
I fear tha-
(but while I’m documenting why I can’t do this);
I’m thrust into a world of strawberries and cotton candy.
I’m plunged into a land where fulfilled dreams roam the streets and hearts are content forevermore.
I put into a place where the sun shines relentlessly and every palette of colours melt to a neon shade of love.
Your lips are placed delicately upon my stunned mouth.
I respond instantly.
Hope replaced by insecurity.
But then sadness swamps the feeling that is forming before I can name it.
I pull away.
For a moment there;
You almost felt familiar.
And then the moment faded away.
Author notes
hopefully this complies with the title++emotion.
thanks for gracing me with honour for the finalists=].
title: for a moment, you felt too familiar to me
emotion: cautious
A contest entry
- round two; [i miss how i used to feel♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
600 points, ended April 8, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
. . . There's not much left to say . . .
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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yes.
thanks for entering. -
yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
very nicely done
i like your genuine use of emotion -
This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
that being said, I really liked this.
I agree with Aanika, some places seemed a bit awkward, but overall, it was verryy good.
Your imagery was fantastic, in most places.
I'll be back. =] -
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thanks to both=].
and just so i can modify it, was there a particular awkward bit? i understand the whole flow's a bit off, but if there is a precise bit, i'd love some help?
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mmm I love most of the imagery in this.
places felt awkward, but overall it was beautiful.
I’m plunged into a land where fulfilled dreams roam the streets and hearts are content forevermore.
I put into a place where the sun shines relentlessly and every palette of colours melt to a neon shade of love.
that was my favourite
thanks for entering! -
goodness girly...your poetry makes me smile. Your writing is so, intriquet and always so filled with brilliance, I would luv to see what you could do if you wrote a book. I'm sure I'd never be able to put it down =)
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creativity: 13/15
emotion: 10/10
poetic devices: 15/15 ---> amazing imagery & metaphors.
relation to title/emotion: 10/10
total: 48/50
wow, this was simply incredible. i started reading and was immediately wound up in your poem. i could almost picture everything that was happening in my mind. i've read some of those metaphors before that you used, but they were still a wonderful and extravagant touch to this piece. the emotion was there; basically overflowing from the page with beauty and sadness. you also did very well with your title and emotion. i especially felt caution when i read this:
-But then sadness swamps the feeling that is forming before I can name it.
I pull away.
very well written. thank you for the entry. you can basically count on being in round three. (: ♥
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oh wow. thanks so much! =].
yeah i find it hard to come up with metaphor that haven't already been used, and if i do, it usually tends to be forced.
thanks so much again!
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