Hands, would seek thy heavens in vain
To entwine her visage, I reach
By thunder I whisper her name
To eternity, we beseech.
To entwine her visage, I reach
Her shadow my spirit enfolds
To eternity, we beseech
Frayed edges, just pictures I hold.
Her shadow, my spirit enfolds
Sometimes it's to her that I speak
Frayed edges, just pictures I hold
For within, I feel the defeat.
Sometimes, It's to her that I speak
With tears, that cannot say goodbye
For within, I feel the defeat
The first time, I beheld, her eyes.
With tears, that cannot say goodbye
She tells me of courage to hold
The first time, I beheld her eyes
Drifting silent, without a home.
She tells me of courage to hold
By thunder, I whisper her name
Drifting silent, without a home
Hands would seek, thy heavens, in vain.
..
Author notes
a pantoum.
in dedication.
A contest entry
- Show Me Some Form (Contest) by Paloszoo.
1000 points, ended January 23, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Such a heartfelt dedication. Beautiful in form beautiful in context. Takes out the tissue again! Bravo!
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This is very moving and powerful. A captivating read and an excellent pantoum for a first attempt! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you show your work here!
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Paloszoo has asked me to co-judge with an eye to form so this comment is centred on form, my opinion of the rest won't count in the judging
Many pantoums are composed in iambic tetrameter although in modern times that is not required as long as the meter, or at least the syllable count is consistent, you have achieved that here except for the third, and hence also the antepenultimate line which is one syllable short.
That apart a beautifully constructed pantoum, the repeats of each line seem to fit as well as the original uses, the key test.
Jeff
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Thank you for your comment, I overlooked the third, and had you not pointed it out I may not have had the chance to fix it.
This is my first attempt at this style, and I can honestly say it will not be my last.
again, thank you for pointing that out.
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This is beautiful! I love the Pantoum. The trick is to compose repeating lines that will keep the reader's interest and you did it! Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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Beautiful poem, emotional and sincere.
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