Last entry

Disappointment feels the same
whatever the blend,

We convinced ourselves its hopeless
try to live in pretend,

My life came to halt
as the flight took “Last call”

ONE PASSENGER DOWN

As high as it climbed
the further id fall,

30,000 ft to never again
an endless darkness begun,

The lights put out forever
knowing “fuck you” won,

Now days drift in and out
lonely shadows of me,

Pray for that eternal sleep
a way to be free.

The pain has consumed
the beast rears its head,

Always two steps behind
the one who stands beside you,

Wishing I were dead

Author notes

art by http://fotoezo.deviantart.com/art/Punished-61244435

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
JToddUnderhill
November 3, 2009

Edit | Reply

Dark...
.... but a good write. My favorite line was "the beast rears its head," I have an inner beast that rears it's head from time to time it made me feel like I was part of the poem. Thanks for stopping in to read my work and I am glad I was able to read yours as well
Ktulu Blackwolfe
January 20, 2009

Edit | Reply

The words from your sould are dark and very deep. I loved the way this read though. As always you have found a way for me to be astonsihed at your work.

Really liked the line

"The lights put out forever
knowing “fuck you” won,"

clever write.

**Ktulu Blackwolfe**
PastelMoons
January 19, 2009

Edit | Reply

This is one the most
intense and emotionally
affective pieces I've
read in a long while.
not to mention
that it's written brilliantly!

~Pastel
mooniemc
January 18, 2009
Edit | Reply

I get it! So sorry you have to feel this way!
Hugs, Moon
Andrew Norris
January 18, 2009

Edit | Reply

There seems to be two sensations going on here, if sensations is the right word, firstly 'disappointment' and then, much more extreme the desire to be dead. (The opening stanza is good) Well, I think if you really wanted to be dead then you would not write it but do it. I am not saying do it, please don't, but it is good that you are writing about it because it shows you are trying to come to terms with something that is deeply troubling you. The poem, in a way, suggests your present state, somewhat confused and lacking much coherence, maybe this is a stylistic thing, it does beg a lot of questions for the uninitiated 'The pain has consumed', What has it consumed? 'the beast rears its head' how do you define the beast? As some kind of mental strife/conflict? I understand the flight motive as a kind of metaphor, though this does seem a kind of obvious choice. However, while this has the makings of something leaving poetry aside the last line troubles me. We all experience disappointment, and it can be really soul destroying, but all I can say is to channel your energies into those things that give you a positive feeling, like your writing. From what I have seen it has a vitality and that is worth pursuing further. If this has been of any encouragement to you then I would gladly give you back the double points you are offering. Keep going.