The Astronauts gazed down in the eerie light of dawn,
upon the planet Niva their month long trip now done.
The vision that confronted them as the “Sun” began to rise,
of a beautiful green landscape like a dream of paradise.
Stretching out before them as far as the eye could see,
field after field of crops and flowers a huge plant nursery.
They found it hard to walk at first, quite a queer sensation
then as they walked along they left, quite an indentation.
Their first contact with the Humanoids was quite a big surprise,
five feet tall with light grey skin and lidless slanting eyes
One problem they didn’t have was one of communication,
the Humanoids use of telepathy was quite a new sensation.
Answering unsaid questions in their minds is no mean feat,
dispelling many doubts we had and eliminates deceit..
They explained that because of this nobody dared to lie
no one can escape the truth, no matter how they try
Their aim for years had been to create an abundance of all they need
and abolish for all time the unnatural obsession we on earth call greed
then work became a pleasure just like our hobbies are on earth
not an economic compulsion, that gives boredom its birth
As their technology had advanced their hours of work reduced
giving them more leisure hours to enjoy what they produced
Even working shorter hours was naught for them to dread
then as prices tumbled they gladly welcomed it instead
Eventually they came so low they cost more to collect
so a law was passed to make all free soon came into effect
they never had a Stock Exchange there was none to buy or sell
then ALL belongs to EVERYONE I love this can’t you tell !
Now if you have some questions you’d like answers on
don’t delay click on today at Niva s humanoids . com
Author notes
J U D M C
- Niaish Ma eno from all your Children group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Calling All SoCal Poets!!! by NoseRingGirl.
1350 points, ended November 24, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Magically creative...
I like this Sci-Fi story-poem. "The Humanoids Part one" stimulates the creative engines, and shakes the wings of imagination.
Much gratitude to the author of "The Humanoids Part one" for sharing this story-poem.
In appreciation,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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Andre ben-YEHU
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids Part one"
"Nature's Songs and "The Last Witch" I'm so pleased that you liked them
Best Wishes ...and Kindest Regards... George....
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WONDERFUL!!!!!!
A sincere and wonderful lesson to be learned by those of greed and lies are here in your words.
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Puppydog
Many thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids part one so glad you liked it.... thats how life could be.. part two brings you back to reality
in our sick society hope you can find time to read it...Best Wishes..George.
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no sorry
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I like this poem. It was such a joy to read, with a flawless flow that hooks you and keeps you reading. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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J.u.n.k.i.e.
Many Thanks for your appreciative comments on both "The Witch" and "The Humanoids" so glad you enjoyed them.....Best Wishes...George...
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Wonderfully descriptive and great rhyme in an interesting poem....Well done. Morning dove
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"no one can escape the truth, no matter how they try"
I liked those lines, as I enjoyed your entire story. You have a gift when it comes to imagery, and you creativity clearly has no limits. You lines flowed perfectly, and I think this is a write you should be proud of. -
great imagry and i love the fact that this peice isnt all about LOVE haha its deffinatly different but really good and interesting! the rhyming fitted in well too.
thanks for enterng
keep it up
kmp
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Maggie Kay
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids part one glad you enjoyed the trip you can get back to earth in part two...George.. -
xxblacktearsxx
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Summerland"
I've booked you in on the next moonbeam flight Bon Voyage ! George...
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WOW, this's brilliant
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Hebz -
WOW...
i really enjoyed and i agree with na Cougar it would make a very good series...keep up the good work
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Twilight Panther
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids part one"
"The Humanoids part two" written at the same time is the sequel to part one makes a comparison between the tranquil existance engendered by the abolition of greed (private ownership of the economy)on the planet Niva to the "poverty amidst plenty", mass
unemployment and homelessness crisis of the "Free" Enterptise world
which greets them on their return. ...George....
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wow
Great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
A worthy read in many ways, and could be fantastic part of a series worth following.
It brings to mind the nessik standards. Although the difference being, the freedom of existance and all things free for all would become your final dream in your words. an excellent read and one I thoroughly enjoyed. Niaish for sharing.
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Judge's Verdict.
I absolutely love this poem.. Seriously.. It is amazing.. But I have to DQ you, because you didn't follow or didn't read the rules.. I am so sorry.. blugh. -
A delightful view of working Socialism, a place where greed is banished and all is shared. Thanks for shaing this thoughtful poem, write on!
Brother dennis
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Bandit Contest Entry
This is a really interesting piece, I loved the interpretation and your presentation in context was really interesting.
Your word choice and the rhyme made the flow very easy and it was a simple pleasure to read.
Excellent word choice and imagery.
Thank you for entering our bandit contest and good luck
Shari
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How has this never won anything? This is a wonderful concept and if only life could be that way now but perhaps you have to be older to understand. When you see how human greed has damaged everything from the planet to all that lives on it. A privilege to read. LittleMoon
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LittleMoon
Many thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids part one" glad you liked it. Its lack of "trophy" success says more about the
"judges" than it does about the poem. It's "uniqueness" Requires
the organ of thought to function which has proved to be difficult
after ploughing through 80 or more "cutting"and Imagery for Imagery's sake poems (which require a footnote to explain what it's all about and why it lacks continuity or narrative).Part two is easier
to comprehend as it deals with today's "Free" world Chaos.Sorry
Iv'e gone on a bit. Regards....George
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A very, well-written poem
This is just the style I would like to emulate and the subject matter really gets me. It's just brilliant.
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This is beautiful...I loved the concept and the descriptions, but I FEEL that this is perhaps more story like than poetry like. I do however very much love the concept and am glad I got the chance to read this! Thank you so much for your amazing entry!
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I really liked this. It shows a lot of imagination and kept the readers interest to the end.
Very well written poem you have in our shared 2012 contest.
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Drifting Cloud
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids" very much appreciated ...George... (Part two brings you back to grim reality)
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I like this!!! Its very original and makes you think! Good job! =]
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a brilliant new world I would love to live in!
thank you for entering
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nice and long and good rhyme thnx for entering
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Quite the interesting exercise is this read yet it is pleasent and filled with nice rhyme.
Thanks for sharing and a great read.
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Quite a few times I've been told that it is remarkable to write long sentences and still rhymn, and that is what I see here, a delightful read, and yes to think on they don't have to buy anything out there in space, hope the aliens wouldn't pick up on that concept! Blessings.
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nice rhyme
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Very well-written poem; please place your option in your AN
Maria
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i really liked this. your rhyming was actually pretty good.
-Answering unsaid questions in their minds is no mean feat,
dispelling many doubts we had and eliminates deceit..
They explained that because of this nobody dared to lie
no one can escape the truth, no matter how they try
...
that was probably my favorite stanza, because it holds so much meaning to it and has a lot of kind of lingering emotions behind it. very well written. i really liked this. (:
thank you for entering!
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this poem reminded me of a short story i read back in my freshman year, you did a great job overall with this and how you illustrated a story with words
thanks for entering -
A creative write
that won't get its fair due. The allegory of the story is one that I understand.
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This is a very interesting piece. The rhyme scheme felt a little sing-song (helped along by the somewhat bouncy meter), but it didn't detract from the piece. The flow might have gone a bit better if some of the lines where a bit closer in length (some of the rhyming lines are of different lengths, making them hiccup a bit). But otherwise, the flow was very good. The content itself was different; an interesting political commentary, it seems. Very well written, and it makes the reader think, which is a good thing. Overall, it's a great piece.
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wow that is interesting. very different from what I was expecting! great job and good luck in the contest!
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MysteriousWhisper
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Humanoids Part one" glad you liked it.Part two depicts by contast life in the "Credit Crunch"
sick world. You may even like part two (if not the world)
Best Wishes ... George....
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Really great write. It makes one think.
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Different and unique...I like this...a LOT!
Thank you so much for sharing and for being part of the contest...very well done! -
Wow, a science fiction write. For some reason, I normally do not like this genre, but the 'humanoids' you have described are very interesting, and their society is lovely.
However, unfortunately, this was not what I was looking for in my contest.
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Very interesting descriptions. I feel almost as if I was there, and I like how you slipped in some criticism about how we live of Earth, without getting preacy at all. "Answering unsaid questions in their minds is no mean feat,
dispelling many doubts we had and eliminates deceit" This part has a lot of appeal. Raises many questions about our quality of communication.
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"Their first contact with the Humanoids was quite a big surprise,
five feet tall with light grey skin and lidless slanting eyes"
I love this part. thanks for sharing I liked reading this
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Bandit Appreciation!
Thank you for entering this write into this weeks reading list your participation is appreciated!
The Poetic Bandits
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I've always thought we are not alone here in this galaxy! What a wonderful Sci-Fi write full of vivid imagery. Thanks for the wonderful trip I so enjoyed reading. hugs Theresa
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Thanks for entering and good luck!
<3 Abi -
Bandit Auction #9
I like this. You created a world of your own. I like the fact you don't need money and work is not a chore. -
I like how this is more than just imagery and diction, how it actually tells a story and seeks to give the reader enjoyment. I'm an Sci-Fi fan, so I liked this very much. It's very interesting and I like the message, especially around the end.
~lost
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Bandits Reading List ~
Interesting tale ~
I've never been one for Alien-like stories, don't why though since there is nothing wrong with them
This I did enjoy; it was interesting, fresh and flowed well down the page
Best of Luck in all Contests
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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This is very interesting; I've always loved this kind of rhyme scheme and storyline. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
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great
This is awesome. This group has a whole crew of amazing poets! I love the imagery and ive kinda had that thought floating around in my head as well. We can learn a lot of lessons from those who are not so westernized... or eartherized lol ps if you like to read, check out daniel quinn, ishmael, my ishmael, and the story of be. I think youd like it after reading your poem
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You are not alone this sure sounds like a great place to be. I feel you are the storyteller but every now and then a few lines just jump out with a beat that sounds good when read aloud. The rhyme and lines flow easy from the page A pleasure to escape into this piece. Thank you. Good luck in the contests.
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I think you mean "no mean feat" instead of "fete" - and there are a few places where you have double spaces between words - was that intentional? The other thing I noticed was that the full stop in the line "They explained. that this being" seemed a little out of place. Other than those things I really loved the way that this told of such a beautiful place! It makes me wish that we could model ourselves more like this and be less economically driven - well done and good luck in the contest!
Polly
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Like many said this has a great flow This tells a story of greed and obession. Reminds of a dytopian world.
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Outstanding
I liked how you have created a fantasy world that is both fascinating and altruistic. I'd like to live somewhere like this. This poem has smooth flow and I liked a lot of your ideas. The details added to the poem and gave it depth and scope. Best of luck in the contest.
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Wow a beautiful creed if only it was so ...gr8 write
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Their aim for years had been to create an abundance of all they need and abolish for all time the unnatural obsession we on earth call greed
then work became a pleasure just like our hobbies are on earth not an economic compulsion, that gives boredom its birth.
Beautifully written G.Grandpa! You have such a gift *hug! I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
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