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A Tap

A tap will always drip, it's true,
The water keeps on coming through,
You close the valve, it wears away
To drip again another day.

The sun will always make her rise,
Breaking anew the azure skies
Touching the little earth with light
Making the planet pure and bright.

And so it is with love, I'll bet
You turn away, and even yet
The feeling keeps within the heart
Even when lovers break apart.

Let it be so. Let love remain
So that the world may rise again
That we may build from coldest clay
The starry night, the warmth of day.

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Bad Bill
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    Keith, the poem's pretty good, I wouldn't alter it much. One or two suggestions, perhaps. The line "The sun will always make her rise" could be improved - the last three words are the problem. They just don't sound right to me. Also, I think "touching the little earth with light" would be more effective minus the word "little." Maybe something like "touching the earth with gentle light" or something similar?

    I like the poem though, and I think the final two lines are particularly strong.

    All the best,
    Bill


    • Keith
      January 19
      Edit | Reply
      You're right, Bill, there are some flaws in this. I wrote it very quickly and may revise it later. I'm not famous for revisions, tend to leave things as they are and then get back to them a long way down the line. I agree wholeheartedly about the last two lines: kind of like them myself. Best Wishes.


  • chills gold member
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is just so beautiful. Let it be so. Keith, it would be rather restful if the feeling did not keep within the heart. But it does. Ah, well, another sunrise. x Best wishes honey.