i don't mean to break your heart
but what else am i to say.
keep my feelings locked up tight
and my heart i'll throw away.
i've been as careful as i could
with your feelings help much more dear.
but what about my own
or were you hoping they'd disappear.
did you hope my heart to feel like this
my emotions silent and hid away.
or when you asked me for forever
did you really think i'd stay.
do you live in such a fairytale
truly believe in fantasy.
well then i get no happily ever after
your dream filled with only me.
so make your wish upon a star
and make our hearts no longer two.
i'll never get my wish after all
my hollow heart belongs to you.
Author notes
i want out.
and he won't let me go.
its been three years, and i just don't feel the same anymore.
Comments
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::doesn't know what that other girl is talking about::
Very good, heartfelt, and still strong even when I'm not reading it at midnight.
I know how you feel, and we've already talked, so I won't give advice; poem critique only.
Because I'm such a grammar freak, I think the poem would flow a lot better if you put question marks when you're asking a question, instead of a period.
other than that, i love the flow of the peice. it portrays innocence, and almost a childlike rhyming quality that I love; simple and pure.
Keep it up. You know I love it.
P.S. Good luck, and love. Always.
~Caitlin
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some thoughts
I hate negative reviews and I always want to make people happy, but, this is what I think- and I don't always listen to myself. This poem is very fragmented and has a lot of ander in it- almost as if your love started out like a fairy tale and then REALLY changed. There are no fairy tales. There's just 'it works of it doesnt.' I think that if you tried to calm yourself, remove some of the anger and "get out" as you say you want (please be sure & don't take my advice- I'm a shitty love hat trick). But poetry has a way of improving once you are out of a really bad situation. Then you can write calmly about how you felt and what you are feeling, focusing on the words not the situation. It's too difficult to write from the perspective you have now. Please take care of yourself,and forward any new stuff to me so that I may read. MY AP name is FaeRae.
***Rae***
==
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