mysterious mind

There's been so many times
that i attempted to explain
what it was i was feeling
and what emotions still remained
but i could never say it
i choked on every line
i couldn't even think it through
so jumbled in my mind

i lie awake at night
confused on how i feel
i think back on my life today
and wonder if its real
have i given up on everything?
do i even know who i am?
are my emotions bottled up,
or do i really not give a damn?

i am forever second best;
never the first choice
I'm almost sure I'm hurt by this
but i never have a voice.
i let people walk on me
without thinking twice
Ive tried to be all they want me to be
i suppose that is my vice.

but more and more i think to myself
"is this really who i am?"
I'm so confused with everything
and life's become so bland.
i suppose ill keep on wondering
on what it is deep in my heart
and wish i could just figure it out
for i don't know where to start

i am so unsure of life
and everything involved
even the thoughts in my own mind
are mysteries unsolved.
i wish someone could tell me
exactly what is on my mind
so i can leave this confused place
far away and far behind.