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A beautiful death

First he carves her name
All over his skin
He does it so gracefully
With a knife ever so thin

Using some of the dripping blood
He draws a heart on his chest
Then he smears the red all over
Using the rest

He looks in the mirror
Eyes full of pain
Then he lies down in bed
And listens to the falling rain

After a while
He grabs the knife
Points it at his heart
Here comes the end of his life

But as he drives the knife in
Breathing his last breath
He can't help but smile
Thinking, "What a beautiful death"

Author notes

Fr33BirdFaLLin Option 3

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 99 of 122     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • insidemjsnotebook
    November 17
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    You've entered a lot of contests! but dear good luck it was pretty good!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    November 13

    Edit | Reply
    "
    But as he drives the knife in
    Breathing his last breath
    He can't help but smile
    Thinking, "What a beautiful death" "


    Love this ending. it really set off the piece. You have done a very good job on this. Thank you for sharing and entering.


  • Blood N Tears
    November 12
    Edit | Reply
    Wow..... this is astounding. Its beautiful, dark, and so full of love. It painted a very grim picture (My favorite kind) best of luck


  • Sheilasbabygal4life gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very nicely done piece that you have written here. Was full of strong emotions. It was very good. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.


  • Heroesrox
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    Nifty write. I could see the images play out in my mind like a mini-movie. Thank you for sharing this one with us. I liked it and it's emotion. Very saddening piece. Best wishes to you. Keep penning.


  • Antebellum
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    I love the ending to this..
    and the title..amazing


  • Symphony
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    "First he carves her name
    All over his skin
    He does it so gracefully
    With a knife ever so thin"

    Wow ... I don't think I've ever seen one poem entered in so many contests

    That was my favourite verse so far - sounded like skillful work!
    Thanks for entering


  • honey bear
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    my advice to you would be to remove this from some of the closed contests as it is in far too many for you to get decent comments on it and thats a shame as it is a very good write, thank you for entering and good luck in the contest


  • stephanie slaughter
    March 13
    Edit | Reply
    this is an amazing peice! good job!


  • NickelleteXninja
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow took me longer to scroll down from the all the contests you've entered this in than to read it
    lol

    It was a very emotional poem though
    and actually reminded me of some of my work oh too much
    lol

    it was amazing though and you did a very good job

    thanks for entering

    comment me when it gets closer to the close date..
    i'd love to add you to my finalists but personally its been in too many contests and im sure your going to enter it in a ton more so some one else might need the trophy and points more.

    but if i dont have enough finalists towards the end ill add it if i get a reminder


  • Night Terrors
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    wow you have entered this in a lot of contests makes it kinda old news huh.....

    The positives:

    A great flow I love how it sounds out loud.

    The negatives:

    None that I can see great job

    My favorite part:

    Using some of the dripping blood
    He draws a heart on his chest
    Then he smears the red all over
    Using the rest


    this was very cool thanks for entering

  • xVamPirexMusiCx
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    Lotsa contest entries..... Wow, it is a very good write, actually, I love it!And if you are to enter another poem i'd like it if it were.. not a pre-write, please. Best of luck


  • VerminVomit
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    haha, dying for another person is strangly kinda funny, more people should commmit suicide
    the rhyme makes it flow well
    and its written pretty well
    nice job, thanks for entering


  • BrokenHeartsInVain
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    It's pretty awesome, in a concept that I can relate to. And here comes the comment I've had to say.. many times. I think it could use more detail.
    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • xXemo-teddybearXx
    March 7

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    wow this was great
    i loved it
    it hada really good flow ans it was just amazing
    well done
    great job
    fantastic write
    thankyou for entering my contest
    goodluck
    xXalyXx
    his emo teddybear


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is, indeed, a beautiful write. Suicide poems have become a cliche, but this really breaks the mold with its imagery, and the sadness has a sincerity of it that I loved. Normally I would say that the rhyme needed work, that it was overly simplified, but in this instance even that seems to add to the loveliness of the piece. Excellent write, I'm adding you to the finalists' list.
    -Lena


  • Cyanide Dreams
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my. This was beautiful. I'm nolt one in for these types of poems but you did with such imagery, such grace that you made it.... nice? You're imagery was of utter perfection and the emotion portrayed in the poem was that of brilliance. This is very dark. The only thing I had a problem with was the line breaks. They seem to be put into awkward place, messing with the flow a bit. Thanks for entering the contest and good lck.

    Josh


  • Samantha Marie
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    I think this may be the most beautiful suicide poem I've ever read. WOW. You have me at a loss of words.... amazing....
    Great write, Thanks for entering this contest and Good luck


  • halfpast4ever
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    i love it it was truly great. it was sad depressing and down right beautifully amazing. thanks for entering my contest and god luck


  • November-Dani
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Holy shit. I LOVE IT> seriously, you ever get when you read a really awesome sad depressing poem and physical hurt just runs through your body?
    No? Im just weird? Never mind then...

    Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you.
    Dani.


  • DeadlyPoetic88
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very interesting poem. i love the idea behind it. this piece also flows very well as did the other one i read. youre a great writer. keep up the good job

    -deadly


  • NotQuiteElle
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    (: I loved the last line, great write.


  • Luciferschild
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    good poem, the last line was the best part of the entire poem which needs a little bit of work. thank you for entering


  • Jaffa-
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this. I thought the imagery was really great and the title fit perfectly. Very well done and thanks for the entry.


  • Umi Juvariel
    February 5
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting write. Good luck in my contest.


  • starving4perfection
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! thats sad! this better not be true!! its so sad! :'( i dont even know what to say but its very well written.
    "Breathing his last breath
    He can't help but smile
    Thinking, "What a beautiful death" :'( such a powerful ending! its a great poem but dont forget if you ever wanna talk ill always be here for you


  • Mrs D
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    this is really beautifully penned.....
    although a sad eneding,....this is what clime=axed the piece.....and it didi indeed described a beautiful death.....to go in such peace and tranquility,and elegance,,it was smoothly written ,,,good work !
    '


  • Vanillakilling
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. Just a tad depressing. I liked it though.

    Thank you for entering and I wish you good luck.


  • Heroesrox
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    LOVE THIS! It should have won more than one bronze and one honorable mention! Thanks for the share!


  • Rhythm Child
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    thankyou for the entry

  • A-muse-in-writer
    February 3
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Love the dark bloody imagery, well done. Wow you entered a lot of contests with this one!


  • Ratfink
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a simple but great poem. It flowed awesomely and the image was vivdly flowing through my mind. I really like this one. It is one of my favorites, no kidding. Maybe it's because I can relate to it, a bit. Thanks for the great read, keepup the great writing, and good luck in the contest.


  • misshugglebugglez
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    ooooooohhh.... this seems familiar....
    *me scrolls down to find she has commented before and she liked it* lolz
    yayy! im glad u entered this one. i love this poem verrry very much its just so amazing!
    huggglez and thanks for entering
    -Adria <3

  • phoenixonfire
    February 1
    Edit | Reply
    This is really sad!! death is indeed beautiful, its the fear of death thats scary!! You present a solemn and agonising picture and conclude with lines that emphasize that when there is love, the death is a beauty not a pain! Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contests

    ~pri


  • Stormy Days
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    congrats of the former trophy sorry all the other contest didn't pan out this is a sad and heartfelt poem i agree twisted version of romeo and juliet


  • HereComesTheSun
    February 1
    Edit | Reply
    twisted beautiful and just what a i wanted thanks for entering


  • invisible2u
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering the contest! GOOD LUCK

  • misshugglebugglez
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    woah, that is a very beautiful death indeed
    i really enjoyed reading this poem! i loved your imagery, it was so wonderfully written! amazing job! good luck in ur contests! nice job gettin a bronze
    huggglezzzz,
    -misshugglebugglez <3

  • MR Frood
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    never herd of suicide being put in such a way, it makes you wonder what he was going thru. it shocks you it makes you think, it shows life is not so clear i like it i love it just what i was looking for.


  • MyLifeOnPaper
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    This Was AMAZING write honestly I love it ................ It is so deep and dark and painful but at the same time I could feel ALOT of love in it


  • untouched pages
    January 30
    Edit | Reply
    Deep, Dark, Sad, Pain.... holy moly you did a great job of this write... ""Breathing his last breath
    He can't help but smile
    Thinking, "What a beautiful death"""
    The last few lines of this write just made my skin crawl.. in a good way of course!!!! well done!!!


  • abuyi
    January 30
    Edit | Reply
    dark and gore.. i don't encourage suicides and call them beautiful.. but that's me.
    your write is smooth and very provoking. i like the rhyming. i am also kinda disappointed that its states to be on of your best pre writes.
    thanks for entering my contest.. good luck


  • spideracer gold member
    January 30
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem about ones death, but sad that the subject of your poem had to resort to such an end. Still you painted the picture of a suicide well as far as poetry goes. I've known people who've died that way and it's not a happy moment for those left behind to pick up the pieces. Well done here and good luck in contest.


  • Erozay
    January 29
    Edit | Reply
    its good


  • serenity silvermoon
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    very sad poem it made me remember uncle my uncle who died by committed when i was 12 years old he was the only one who cared about me back then you did a very great job on this poem i hope you never have to lose anyone to suicide it is very horrible


  • LunaSilverStars
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    loss of a loved one drove this person to insanity and finally death. sort of a even more twisted romeo and juliet


  • Bourne Darkness
    January 29
    Edit | Reply
    wow....so nightmare, so dark, so beautiful. good luck!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply

    Oh my goodness

    You have penned a true chiller here my friend


  • Sortingthroughlife
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I love the way you described this.

1 - 99 of 122     1 2  next >  (show all)