amid the silence
turbulent feelings abound
whirling thoughts edging on violence
darkness hovers without sound
in thickening air
see the tendons break
as madness takes reign of care
the price borne from one simple mistake
a heart denied all reprieve
senses first to leave
failed existence
in a mind devoid of ground
reason hinders desired recompense
solace nowhere to be found
but in solemn stare
trust left to forsake
as shadows tauntingly dare
all that hangs in this merciless wake
is the promise one can weave
hope upon their sleeve
Author notes
This is my third poem written in the Dasyure Form I created. It is made up of 4 stanzas of 5 lines in the format shown below.
Dasyure Format:
Stanza 1: 5 lines
Syllable count of 5,7,9,7,5
Rhyme scheme a,b,a,b,c
Stanza 2: 5 lines
Syllable count of 5,7,9,7,5
Rhyme scheme d,c,d,e,e
Stanza 3: 5 lines
Syllable count of 5,7,9,7,5
Rhyme scheme a,b,a,b,c
Stanza 4: 5 lines
Syllable count of 5,7,9,7,5
Rhyme scheme d,c,d,e,e
Column that explains how the name for the form was derived etc. http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2337752
In a list
A contest entry
- COME ONE! COME ALL! QUICKY FOR 200 PEOPLE! by Umi Juvariel.
800 points, ended January 21, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Formed poetry contest by Luciferschild.
650 points, ended March 1, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Detailed critique welcome
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I really liked this form and this specific poem, great job and thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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Upon reading this, the form appears quite simple at first...but being a poet who has actually attempted this, I know that not to be the case. Due to the line lengths and rhyme stipulations that this form contains, it is imperative that the poet maintain fluidity throughout and you did that here so very well.
I loved this and shall return for re-reads
Laura
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I hate to say it, but most lines felt a little forced. I figure this was because of your structure, but I still liked your poem. It was pleasantly sad, and not too long. It flowed, it ebbed, and it kept my attention. Excellent job and good luck in my contest.
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Oh WOW!...I love this. I can feel the tension rising fast as you gasp for air in a smog of darkness...then insanity breaks free...angered by no chance of forgiveness. Then there's the return to sanity as you slowly awaken to the aftermath...staring into nothing-ness...bereft of everything...but then!...hope shimmers on the horizon beckoning you closer...showing you a new way to exist.
Oops...sorry about that...I got carried away by the moment. I love the new form...'Dasyure'.
Brilliant work Poet! Bravo!
Mariana
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I am pleased you enjoyed this form and more so that you were able to absorb all the facets of emotion and meaning from the words I spilled. I am going to add the link (in author notes) to the column that explains how the form came to have its name.
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I will attempt this form of poetry at some point
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I love this beautiful form that you created...I always have. I have written 1 myself I am bookmarking this...I love every line
Lynda
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Your creativity shines my Dear Panther.
outstanding work, your words speak of deep meaning, and the form you have created is awesome. Thanks for sharing,
Love and Light
Frozentearz
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How did you come up with the name for this?
It's a wonderful poem. I like the style too. It seems very different. Thank you for sharing this with me.
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The title came from a contest prompt that I was unable to do anything with at the time then later this flowed from it. Glad you enjoyed the read nonetheless.
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