got to get you into my life -
I don't know who you are,
or where you are,
or when I'll find you;
don't know what you look like - long dark hair
set against pale skin, like
ink on parchment
(maybe)
don't know how it'll happen - catch a sparkle in your eye
from across a crowded room,
sit next to you on the near empty bus
(because I've got to know your name,
won't go home without your number in my pocket)
a mumbled "sorry," bumping into you on a busy sidewalk,
which (strangely, inexplicably) stops dead when I see your face;
nervous, polite smile and "it's okay"
ringing on my ears and my heart
every inch of my skin loaded with a million volts as you brush past me,
still smiling;
and we go our separate ways (again...)
(forever)
Author notes
hmm... idk who this is.
title from "Hello Again" by Tommy Lee.
first line by the Beatles.
penguins.
A contest entry
- I Need You. by Poetryintheblood.
550 points, ended January 24, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INTRODUCE YOURSELF by HaleighGrace.
550 points, ended April 2, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any poem. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1900 points, ended March 29, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surprise me by the-gifted.
900 points, ended April 8, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewite Contest II by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
480 points, ended April 20, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, does it really exist? by geckogirl.
850 points, ended May 12, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I hope criticism (that good old "constructive" kind) is forthcoming
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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*sigh.. this is one hell of a feeling... well done. thanks for entering my contest... good luck
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beautiful... its so true.
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love the structure in this poem
" mumbled "sorry," bumping into you on a busy sidewalk,
which (strangely, inexplicably) stops dead when I see your face;
nervous, polite smile and "it's okay"
ringing on my ears and my heart" -
wow. very good. i think it is well written. thanks for entering and good luck
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Thanks for entering and GL
HALEIGH -
It reminds me of that song by Reba McEntire, Somebody...
"Keep on lookin'
'Cause maybe who you're lookin' for is..."
Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the morning train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at
But never really see
Somewhere out there is somebody"
and it's true. From the day we were born, there was someone out there who was made to be with us... and that hope is what keeps us going.
Great Write poet, Thanks for entering and for following my rules.
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This is so charming in its simplicity. Good job!
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I like this. It's very very simple, but has its own charm. I enjoyed the descriptions... so detailed but so uncertain at the same time. I like your use of details and parenthesis. This is intense.
One thing about this poem that I think was absolutely brilliant is how you build up so much anticipation that you mean find your soulmate and happily ever after... only to end with how you're speaking of a very short-lived, almost insignificant episode. I also like how it's a loose ending
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I love this poem, the way you set up simple accidents that will help you find your true love. The discriptions are beautiful Great write and good luck in the contest!
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first off, The Beatles && Tommy Lee = AMAZING
Anyways, I love the way you've written this. The flow and the descriptions are wonderful.
"every inch of my skin loaded with a million volts as you brush past me"
^^^^^^^I love love love that.
Great write dearie.
x
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Thank you for your beautifully spoken entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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i think thats really cute. i like the whole part about the bumping into each other on the streets and everything stops except for the two of you, or it seems so anyway. ^^ you dnt know what it is, but i think its great.
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Good
really kool poem
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i think it is pretty cool. is a nice sense of true love without making that overly fairytale feel that the topic of love sometimes carries. good job!
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excellent write
don't know what you look like - long dark hair
set against pale skin, like
ink on parchment
(maybe)
jealous of thi stanza -
Rich in visuals and movement....lovely thoughts and much to ponder here -
Your write reads a tad Prose', but if this is your style, then go for it
I find the last 3 L's to really open my senses fully...gave me a sigh and a few goosebumps popped up...that's the way you get my attention
....very nice job,
Bear ~
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This is very interesting and creative.
I loved reading through this and the thought
that there is someone out there for all of us.
Nice work here and thanks for sharing it!
Jeremy0826 -
gotcha
you found it the ah ha good job
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come again?
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Oooh! This is pretty dang cool. I realllyyyy like it. I see no need for constructive critisiscm honestly.
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