Mother,
I have come to find that I do not miss you. There is nothing in the way you took your coffee that echoes back to mine, no recognition of your face in my mirror, no hint of your voice in the way I speak to others. Besides, you always drank tea.
I find it interesting that the things you have left me can be boiled down to this: a will of iron, the curiosity of Schrödinger’s cat, and the ability to hear compliments of insults. While these have served me well, I may have preferred the gifts of grace, social ease, and skin the colour of holidays in France. Only one of those was ever yours to give me.
Make no mistake; I do not count the miles between your doorstep and mine, I do not pace my life by the absence of yours. Rather, I walk these streets in the occasional knowledge that you have not, and leave it at that. Here, I have the freedom to leave you a passing thought, nothing more than a winter squall to wash the rooftops clean.
They will be dry by morning.
Author notes
...aaaaand on re-reading, I really don't think I could get more English if I tried. *is emotionally detached by default*
one might call this the resolution to 'of shattering eggshells' ~ yeah, it's the rare 'real' write. don't blink, y'all, it'll be another six months 'til the next.
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Four [Top 10] by traffic light.
550 points, ended January 21, 2009, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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99 X-Factor
originality: 10
General creativity: 9
[enough] poetic devices: 9
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 9
cohesion: 10
mechanics: 10
rules/restrictions followed: 10
emotion [presented in letter]: 9
emotional response [of the reader]: 9
personal opinion: 9
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5
Total possible: 100
This all clicked into my head while reading. Though I do agree with Tyler about the presentation of images, I think it still worked overall.
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oh, I don't think I was clear in my original comment... When I say it 'clicked', I could understand it and feel it. I think I'm turning into Paula Abdul.
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This was INCREDIBLE.
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I can relate so well to ths, seems to be the exact story of myself and my father. "and the ability to hear compliments of insults" wonderfully creative and very poignant...
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lol I hope for your sake the relationships weren't /too/ parallel~ being told you're autistic and that s/he could have done so much more with her/his life if you weren't born is ... a very special kind of fun ^.^'
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90
originality: 10/10
General creativity: 9/10
[enough] poetic devices: 8/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 9/10
cohesion: 10/10
mechanics: 10/10
rules/restrictions followed: 10/10
emotion [presented in letter]: 9/10
emotional response [of the reader]: 7/10
personal opinion: 8/10
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 90
Laura
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102 - X Factor
originality: 10/10
General creativity: 10/10
[enough] poetic devices: 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas: 10/10
cohesion: 10/10
mechanics: 10/10
rules/restrictions followed: 10/10
emotion [presented in letter]: 9/10
emotional response [of the reader]: 8/10
personal opinion: 10/10
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 102
I could describe your writing as professional.
What I like about this is that there was a delicate balance between blunt and metaphor. It shows me that you have very strong control over the language and what you are writing. The metaphor added to the creativity, and the bluntness added to the emotion. I think it would have been stronger though had there been some more images to emphasize those emotions, but, regardless of that note, what you have presented here is excellent.
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wow wow wow. it really picks up in the third paragraph.
this is beautifully expressed....
i love it.
-cassidy
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