Lines on a page: a freak swirl of ink hitting the mind of a reader.
A calligraphy of dreams put into writing.
The optical reaction of the eye to chemicals placed on the carcass of trees:
Squiggles of thought.
The mind knows what it sees and recognizes the runes of language:
A familiar face in a crowd of white.
Black characters guide:
Chiseled waypoints that lead to the next paragraph.
Grammar, in all its sovereignty, rules here:
A monarch of civilization.
A magnetism fills the space between letters:
The maglev of an author’s mind that pulls the seduced reader with it.
The adventure, paved by letters and commas, takes us:
A sojourn of alternate reality.
Copyright © Kira 2009
Author notes
Thanks for reading!
S C H O O L T I M E
A contest entry
- WHAT DOES AP MEAN TO YOU? by justlikelivin.
470 points, ended March 1, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimmie somthing that doesn't suck. by Predaw.
460 points, ended October 27, 68 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lead me to the edge of what can be expressed in poetry by herrlurch.
800 points, ended March 27, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Since Plautus is dead... by Brian A.
1700 points, ended April 19, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honest comments, Give me your best poem PW allowed by The Falls Sun.
400 points, ended September 16, 35 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you cheer me up? by Forgotten Lilith.
406 points, ended November 29, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are You smarter than a "School Time Student? " by wander of the sky.
1350 points, ended November 26, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments? :)
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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Wow, I think that's really good, I like it.
I love the first stanza and the very last lines "The adventure, paved by letters and commas, takes us:
A sojourn of alternate reality."
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I...don't...get...it...but it was a good poem anyway.
Miss. Snow (the teacher) from School time.
Lesley (the student) from School time.
P.S. I have 2 names. -
may I suggest here, to realign your write. It gives your words more power I think.
It is a well done write but because of layout when I first read it I felt I was missing somethng and I was, the power of the words.
Lines on a page:
a freak swirl of ink
hitting the mind of a reader.
A calligraphy of dreams
put into writing.
The optical reaction
of the eye to chemicals
placed on the carcass of trees:
Squiggles of thought.
The mind knows what
it sees and recognizes
the runes of language:
A familiar face
in a crowd of white.
I feel this was the strongest line.
The maglev of an author’s mind that pulls the seduced reader with it.
I must admit I had to look up maglev, but now I understand it. If I may it would be nice if you added the definition to our AN.
Thanks for a very enlightening write. Good luck in your contest.
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A wonderful useage of words to express yourself with a great title to compliment
and a clever write too.
I like the metaphor
best wishes
Julie
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execllent good luck
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Chemicals.. hmm, never really thought about this, but what is ink? Are most ink pens or printing cartridges just "ink", or is there some blend of stuff in there.. might want to check on the wording with chemicals, that's kind of a picky thing (which means if I'm nitpicking the overall effect must be good). In your piece you talk about grammar reigning sovereign, and it seems like everything is accurate here, but what of all the colon use? I don't know if every one of those is used wholly correctly (maybe it is, not sure), and I think that could give it some irony here (not necessarily in the good way though). Obviously being so abstract and dreamily artsy (just how I'd put it) about a concrete and relatively basic action (we just mechanically read, it's kind of in theory beautiful, but in practice it's just doing it) is ironic, but that other irony would detract from the message given here using a touch of irony (if that makes sense). To me I'm a bit split on the title; it seems to speak of potential really deep (what could that book contain, maybe it's a metaphor for life?), but it also seems somewhat limiting (since what you're talking about is the written word, which with the internet is vastly beyond just one book no matter how eloquent that book might be). Depending on what your goal with this piece is, there might be just a bit of tweaking to hone in the specific focal message here (is this just a clever take of a good book as the title indiciates, or is it aiming higher?), but I enjoyed the imagery and use of punctuation and good grammar (instead of abusing the english language in order to write something witty).
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I liked it a lot
My main criticism is that, in agreement with some earlier comments, the poem seems to be a bit lacking in emotional resonance. The imagery and tone is there, but it comes of as...dry, at least to me. Still, great job
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Makes me want to go read a book! I can tell you put a lot of effort into this poem, and that's what I like to see. I really enjoyed reading this and your abstract imagery was a plus. Thank you for entering my contest. Best wishes.
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Good take on writing. Some thoughts for you to do with as you will. L1 starts well but 'hitting the mind of a reader' falls flat - try rewording. L2 delete ' put into writing' - this is what caligraphy is and more. L3 I would delete, adds nothing extra to the poem at this point and interferes with the flow of images, L5 delete 'knows what it sees and' - recognize says it all. The poem flows well up until the last stanza. I would replace 'with it' in L12 with 'along' and in L13 relpace 'The' with 'an' as well as delete 'takes us' - already implied. If you wanted to keep L3, I would place it after 'Lines on a page:' in L1
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Wow; I strongly trust this deserved the trophies it wears.
Everything flows smoothly and with a rather unique form.
Thanks for entering this piece and best of luck. -
The optical reaction of the eye to chemicals placed on the carcass of trees
- I never really questioned what a book actually was, and it was a massive shock simply how much that line shocked me!
I know you're already in the finalists for a different poem, but this can't really get left out. AP really is a perfect place to hit a nerve with literature fanatics, good call! -
I liked piece. It made me think more into what the written word really is. Great description, and good imagery. A much needed change. Good job, and good luck with my contest
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excellent!
you are obviously a great writer and I look forward to reading more of your work! I always gain and get better as a writer reading poems and stories better than mine!
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thank you (:
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I like it. You use the physical characteristics of the book to bring out the actual meaning of the words you are describing. Really good job.
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wow. This is amazing...
woooowwwwwww -
I like this, its a strong improvement from some of your others, and the use of language was well done. I think it could use some more emotion in it however.
Thank you for following rules and for taking the time to write something new for my contest and following my crittique. You are definitely improving as a writer.
WRitingFree -
ap name?
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Sorry I was in the middle of doing it and my brother closelined me ><
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Something about it felt incomplete in my opinion although I did enjoy the general flow and theme of it. Some of the phrases were exceptional. Good work and thank you for your entry.
--Katie. -
yes i did enjoy reading it
it is a very we written piece
thank you for entering
keep it up
kmp -
This is a lovely write and oh, how very true! Thankyou for entering, and I wish you the best of luck
Maria
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This is real good and real smart some serious thinking. Really liked your poety.
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Thank you for entering!
Not being under contest regulations I would say this was a pretty reasonable write. You used significant language to make your poem what it could be but it was like a description and about writing -
something which is familiar to us poets and less of a metaphor.
Thank you for entering, best of luck in future projects!
Sophie. -
I loved the writing in this, the way you worded it.
And it shows respect for good books, which I can agree with. thank you for entering! -
I did enjoy this piece. You have a lot going on in those poetic devices I like so much. Lines 2, 3, 5, and 14 being my favorites. I don't know if free-verse is the "form" I was looking for, though this is the first piece I've reviewed. Either way, good job on the poem, good luck in the contests.
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This is a really excellent poem!! Very worthy of all the awards. But....what book is it about?
~Mariah!~ -
Well written in every whichc way it flows verry nicley to. I LOVE it. Keep writting your very good at it.
~ Chelsey
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Quite an interesting piece on writing. Very creative! Nicely done! Thanks for entering my contest! Good luck! I'm honored to have you show your work here!
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Thank you for entering my contest. I'm looking forward to the final judging round. Best of luck, Götz
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this was extremely well-worded.
I love all the different ways you described reading and language itself.
"The mind knows what it sees and recognizes the runes of language:
A familiar face in a crowd of white. " that was really descriptive and clear.
lovely job.
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A very nice poem.
Loved the words you used and the ways in which you used them.
10/10 Keep it up . -
please join the group
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Thanks...
thanks for clearing that up for me I make sure that I put you back into consideration
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Good...
I think that this is a very good poem, but I am confused on how it tells the reader what you think of AP and what it means to you. Also, you didn't tell me what option you choose in the AN.
I have edited the contest so that it is more clear. Please reread them if you have time and see if you can make any changes.
The contest asside, this is very good, I love your word choice, and the way you formed the piece
Good luck in my contest, and judgeing just on the poem and not on if it fits the contest as of now... 5 stars <3
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I love the way you describe a good book. It's so...accurate. I love reading. Go books!! Haha.
But yeah, awesome write.
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It's true how one can get lost in the reading of a book, and how it brings us into new realms and places. I like your vocabulary and wonderful imagery in this piece. truly brings the act of reading to life.
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I think your skills really shine here. The choice of words make you think how one could place images on a page and have them form words that are understood by everyone. Makes you appreciate language.
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great use of vocabulary here and yes, I did like it.
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"Lines on a page: a freak swirl of ink hitting the mind of a reader.
A calligraphy of dreams put into writing.
The optical reaction of the eye to chemicals placed on the carcass of trees:
Squiggles of thought."
This was my favorite stanza. "Squiggles of thought" didn't seem to flow well with me, but that's only one line out of the whole write. Great job =)
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wow, very intelligent. I liked it a lot. Good luck in the contest! I hope you win
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Awesome write! I love your imagery and you have a great vocabulary! Great write!
In the last line of the first stanza I would change "whiteness" to "white.
Thanks!
~Angi
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A calligraphy of dreams put into writing. now that's a great phrase. thank you so much for entering
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Nice work using those big words! As a reader myself, I did enjoy this. It took the inricate side of reading a novel to a whole new level. Very nice, and keep up the great work!
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OOoooo!!! It makes me remember a piece of art work. I like art!!!! Art is fun!!! Writing is and art!! YAY for Kira!!!! ^_^ good job!!!! ^_^ I hope u can tell i love it!!!!
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this is a good explenation of a good book i have never read thirteen reasons why, but i have read a lot of other really good books Harry Potter, Eragon, InkHeart all wonderful books i can relate to this poem well written
~GOOD LUCK~
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