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All coloured out.

Missing image

Water-washed, etched in skies

arms outstretched like im flying

as rain starts to pour.

The clouds are as heavy as your voice

and the uncertainty that obscures

your words; I can't miss it.

All my senses can't identify, I

have to rely on listening

                         - to your silence

which speaks more than you do, your pauses

and breaths, sighs and unfinshed sentences.

I stand now soaked, skies lighter

with their release while I hold onto

what I can't let go. Monotonal beep

and you aren't there, yet it was

my finger on the button.

In my own silence I'll linger with

clothes stuck like a second skin, it's

not even slightly warm out today -



It left me feeling

                   - Grey.

Author notes

11. Write something about the colour tangerine, olive green, indigo, or grey. Just pick one, not all of them, obviously. That'd be a mess of an image. But anyway. If you must say the colour in your poem, say it only once. For the rest of it, find a clever way to describe it.


Grey is the colour i chose. To be honest i could have wrote this for a few options but i put this option here because i interprited the colour grey as a feeling, i can look at that colour and know how it feels... if you understand and it just so happens everything about the weather today was this colour hence all the weather description, if it's not alright i can put it for the 'what happened today' prompt.


-- For Joleahes contest - 15. enter your best prewrite ever....for this option it better be damn good!
This may not be my best... but its the one i love most.


http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3082/2551406219_65e91e7cf3.jpg?v=0

picture credit.

 

 

For aanika  and angeladowns - 'we want your best prewrite, in your opinion,' In my opinion this is it. I dont think its a rhyme poem although the last line and the odd word, but its not abab or anything. hope thats ok.

-morgana raven.

In a list

A contest entry

I'd like constructive criticism, always aiming to be better.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 47 of 47
  • TheGiftofAnonymity
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    Themes...

    Rain, clouds, cold, silence... All seem to me like themes in your writing. It's depressing, but not altogether different from mine. I should try this contest out. I have a poem about red and grey.

    I liked the way you skirted the "techie" introduction of a phone call, allowing for the poem to still feel classical. Very smooth. I can give this no less than three applause.


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      June 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you again for your continued comments I really appreciate your opinion


  • Symphony
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    this was a little too concentrated for me - and the font too small for my tired eyes however -

    yo ucaught the dull feeling, the greyness of the image, and the colour itself too ... and did it proud.

    thanks for entering


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      April 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the comment hope youre having fun with all your entries haha

  • roland halloway
    April 22
    Edit | Reply

    I like your----

    stuff kid- Honestly.


  • joleahe
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good...you are a finalist for sure. thank you for entering!


  • aanika
    February 6
    Edit | Reply
    yes.

    thanks for entering.


  • Sandi Alford gold member
    February 6
    Edit | Reply

    oops

    I clicked submit before I clicked on the happy dudes

  • Sandi Alford gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Superb writing

    Excellent title association, and your symmatry is so well done start to finish that this reads backwards with as much grey emotions as forwards, and that's definately as good as writing can get, Bravo!

    Let the ink flow!
    blessings, Sandi


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      February 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment and applause it is much! appreciated =)

  • Jakk
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem dude


  • heavenbird
    February 4
    Edit | Reply

    yes.


    Please wait for the other judges comment.


  • LoveDeprived
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    wow brilliant, the "u" from coloured striked me, just explains your english.. anyways the write, well i got lost in your write, in a good way that left me sighing and looking up contemplating how words can touch you, and massage your mind, or maybe its just how amazing of a writer you are that hmm i guess the emotions you pour in this piece just radiated to the reader. though its a sad write, still is beautiful and touching for me :/

    my clappy fwends will color the greyness xD


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      February 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much! for the comment =) yeah I am English xD thank you for your applause also =)


  • Gunther gold member
    February 3
    Edit | Reply

    Very Nice

    No more honest words are spoken than the words spoken in silence! Let thee be soaked!


  • Phatbassman
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    hi, how are you? just read All Coloured Out...really brilliant.really does put black and white pictures in your head. and black and white tv has always been cooler than colour


  • Erozay
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    its good but the first thing i saw when i clicked ure poem was a spelling mistake the title if its the word colored then u shouldent have a u in it

    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 26
      Edit | Reply
      Not a spelling mistake actually. I'm English, in the English language there is a u in it. Thank you for the comment.


      • Erozay
        January 26
        Edit | Reply
        ah i see well then i learned something new today ^_^

        • morgana raven Greeters member
          January 26
          Edit | Reply
          Haha awesome ^_^ yeah English put U in colour honour and s in realise 0.o I don't know why English and American do it differently but oh well =)


  • Rhythm Child
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    It left me feeling

    - Grey

    loved the way you used the word since it was only the once you could
    loved the feeling of everything being washed out
    left bleak and barren and devoid of colour
    your so talented

  • aanika
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    - to your silence
    which speaks more than you do, your pauses
    and breaths, sighs and unfinshed sentences.

    I love the way you write, how everything has a purpose and nothing is filler or awkwardly placed.
    thanks for entering!

  • heavenbird
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
    Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'

    That being said, I really really liked this.
    I enjoyed the imagery, and your word use was great, too.
    I felt everything you were saying, which is the most important part of this contest, is the emotion.
    Which you portrayed beautifully.

    I'll be back. =]


  • AbidoodleCullen
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is really pretty Laura!
    I really enjoyed the imagery and I could totally relate!
    I love lines 13-15 the most
    Thanks for the pleasure!
    <3 Abi


  • couldbeworse
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    love your style in this and the imagery, emotion. fav part:
    Monotonal beep

    and you aren't there, yet it was

    my finger on the button.

    In my own silence I'll linger with

    clothes stuck like a second skin, it's

    not even slightly warm out today -







    It left me feeling

    - Grey.


  • Dorian-Gray
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    Well you really hit the nail on the head with this in my opinion. Just reading through again, it makes me feel just really 'slow' and 'grey'. I mean this has to be one of my favorites of your writes. I get a feeling of being desperate to hear someone say something, but you never hear what you want and are always disappointed. That's the overall feeling I get anyway. Great write. ^^


  • And Hyetal
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the way you write; you've gotten better since I've last read you (which was a long while ago ).

    Though I really do like your theme and imagery, this kind of seemed too 'sentencey' to me. I dunno.

    But I really really like your title.

    ~Cassie


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 19
      Edit | Reply
      sentency =( this is my favourite write. =( thanks for the comment =D hope youre well


  • Swangrnv gold member
    January 17

    Edit | Reply

    astounding

    wow my friend, i'm stuttering as i'm trying formulate a thought..this is amazing, very visually stimulating..

  • pruedence
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep emotional write, with hidden meanings. Love the greyness of it all, it takes the reader down the road, I could almost feel the raindrops, thanks for sharing

  • Rattlebone
    January 17

    Edit | Reply

    I picture a slighlty sad lonely girl standing at a pay phone in the rain.
    criticism is not constructive.
    I like your poem.

     

    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      Its ok, that constructive thing always comes up i think i only put it there for one poem eitherway your opinion on this pome is much appreciated thanks for the comment =)


  • Commodore Rouge
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Utterly beautiful. It's funny, because just before I started to type this comment, I scanned what other people were saying about this piece--and it's eerie to think that broken-colours below me said what I was going to note--your words portray the color of gray! Of course, much of well-written poetry has imagery and emotion, like this gorgeous peice (), but I think it takes a very, very talented writer to radiate a color, or something deeper than an image in a poem. Although I love your words and the way you phrase things, portraying your words with a color in mind (and doing it successfully!) is something I adore!
    I'm glad I stopped by to read this. You write beautifully.

    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your comment, compliment and applause. It is very much appreciated =) I'm very glad you enjoyed the read ^_^


  • broken-colours
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautiful poem.
    Actually before I knew what colour you'd chosen, I felt grey radiating from your words. THAT'S what I'm looking for.
    I love the two main themes - stormy weather and awkward silence. Mixed together, they make for an elegantly dreary picture.

    Thanks for entering. :]

    • morgana raven Greeters member
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment =) much appreciated. This was just the prompt i needed to find my words so thanks a lot ^_^

1 - 47 of 47