We'll laugh at our mistakes,
We'll laugh until our tummy aches,
We're doing fine just like most days,
You are the best in so many ways,
You may ask, but no, we're not the same as before,
When you sit down your feet now touches the floor,
And we've gone a very long way since then,
And we've had each other since who knows when,
Here we are, the voices tells us that we're not alone,
Here we go, the things are best when they are not shown,
But despite everything, we are almost always doing just fine,
And try another thing and this kiss will wait some other time,
We're not here to understand how this love will ease,
But I know this will and fate alone will tell that this is,
The only reason why it works, it just does, we don't care,
And like lightning it never tells, it just happens, that's fair,
We never tried to make this work,
Everything just goes despite the fork,
Everything just falls in the right place,
How could you not wonder about these days,
Your hands are close enough but never hold,
My heart is lightning quick but never hot or cold,
It just stays but never the same, it's nothing,
I don't know anything about love, so quit asking.
- tatak PiNoY group list • next in list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i really like the way you compare lightning and love, but somehow i felt that the impact that lightning and love actually have was somehow not captured. the words you used alongwith the rhyme scheme were very monotonous unlike the nature of lightning. i was looking for more shock words and harsher alliterations and perhaps better imagery too. more exclamation marks. the poem and the title probably needed to have more in common. hopefully you will my comments useful.
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this poem is written very well thanks for sharing this i enjoyed reading your poem and it was well organized and i can tell you put your feelings and thoughts in this i liked how it flowed and i could tell that this poem reflected how you felt which is very sweet i enjoyed this so much don't let your talent go to waste keep writing and enjoy every moment that you do
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i love the way you handled yourself enough to write a poem like this. i liked the way your thoughts were organzed and the feeling it portreys to the reader. it was clearly very well thought out and reflects emotion very well. this is very nice. no doubt about it!
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Nice. :)
This is a well written piece. It is so heartfelt and I suppose it would get the message across to the one spoken to.
Keep writing!
- Adelaine
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this is such a lovely piece...it is very sincere...and I like how you've presented love without its mushy side but its passionate yet hidden side...love the rhythm....God bless always!!!
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Beautiful
thank you for sharing this piece. it flows beautifully, clearly and continuously. such raw emotion transferred into words, you clearly have a talent. Beautifully written.
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