I am a Cheater, there I said it,. what now.
I just sit around and wait for someone to tell me what a horrible person I am, how i can't be trusted , how much worse of person it makes me then I must already be.
I have let myself slip, i went from a cute virgin to having sex , with 8 people now.
On the course of over 2 years, that is a lot.
I have many other faults too, I lie.
I lie about where i was the other night if my parents ask, I lie about how many people I have been with when people ask, I always try to come off as a good person then I really start talking about myself and mention something, the other person is is hesitant then moves on and doesn't want anything more to do with me.
There have been with three main relationships. Aaron, i didn't cheat on him , i told him i wasn't a virgin when i met him , but i was and lost my virginity to him, he still doesn't know to this day and I doubt he would believe me.
Then there was William, I met him and he was a virgin and I didn't really like him but i stayed with him, and what do you know... I took his virginity, I also didn't cheat on him.
Then Jamie , He was my best friends boyfriend. they broke up and 8 months later we start dating.We had sex on the very first day we met in person, He asked me out 5 days after. We got along so well, hours upon hours on the phone ... he was three towns away, so i would get to see him when I got a ticket or he did. I went to a halloween party and kissed a guy, I hid it from Jamie. From that point on I cheated on him every chance I got. I slept with 3 other people during that relationship. All of them didn't know I was in a relationship as I hid every single one of them.
So needless to say jamie was just soo over protective and wanted to know where i was every second, he found out that I kissed the guy from the party.
Things just went downhill , I was the one that broke up with him out of all this. After we broke up I told him how I cheated on him.
The guy Brad that I slept with during that relationship, liked me a lot we went on a couple dates. mostly just having sex at his parents place.
He wanted to go threw my phone, and saw that his phone number wasn't saved as a contact and then got really up set. I took my phone back wouldn't let him look at the text messages, and he told me to leave so I did. Later that night he told me how I'm a horrible person who doesn't care about anyone and how much of a lying whore I am.
Then I just got in contact with my boys, they all like my looks and want to sex me, Its like they really like me, then again they don't me. I lead them on too, make them think there the only one I like. Lie about how many people i have been with when they ask. Say if I could be there with them i would but i cant because im so far away.
Just keep fooling myself get a few compliments here and there to feel better about myself. then move on.. .
I hate how I do this to myself, I make it so impossible for me to love, or rather have other people love me, no one can say they love me for I have not been completely honest in who I am. No matter what there is always something that I lie about or hide.
Could I blame this on sex? can I even blame it on anything. Can't even realize how much it must hurt someone to be cheated on , as I have never been cheated on.
Is there anything that can teach me a lesson?
I'm searching for an answer, deep down I know there is no answer nothing I can do.
I have completely prevented myself from love , now it feels like its what i want the least .
Rehab is what I need? can there even be that for cheaters and liars?
Enough of my stupid questions. I continue just living keep myself busy and not realize how lonely I am. I don't know what i want , i just know its not be called a whore, or to be viewed in a bad way by every guy. none of my friends know
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I'm not sure how to respond here except not to lie. Lying gets you nowhere, but I think you have learned this from experience. Of course it hurts to be cheated on, but I don't want to call you a name or move on and act like you don't exist. You're human and have feelings. I have been cheated on from an ex-wife (she wasn't an ex at the time). I was willing to forgive her, but it was clear that she lost her love for me (even though we did try for a couple of years).
I think you're doing the things you do for you're afraid to love someone. You can let someone love you, but it's hard for you to return the favor. You're not wanting to get hurt and if you allow yourself to fall in love it's always a possibility. I know for I have known love a few times and it hurts the third time as much as it did the first time. Maybe, that's the reason why I won't let ladies get close to me any more. It's like if I hear the love word as in way deep love, then I shy away. I can love ladies and don't mind them loving me until I think it might be that I'm the one they want as in partner. I truly don't want to hurt no one and vice versa. I don't want to be hurt. I can still write love poems from my experience, not because there is someone in my life to make me that way.
I hope you won't beat yourself up about the things that has happened. Start new and do so by not lying to yourself and others. If someone wants to know something about you either tell the truth or let them know it's personal and you rather for it to stay that way. Either way, I'm still a friend no matter what you do and you have my support.
Ted E
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I'm a cheater too. (Mike and Nick as you know) It makes you feel like shit I know. Everyone lies have you not learned anything from House? You told me you slept with Dave I don't know why you are so ashamed with your sex life.You are NOT a whore. You aren't a horrible person. You made a mistake so learn from it an move on, you'll be fine I promise.
I wish sometimes you'd open up to someone as you obviously would rather ignore me. So now one of your friends know. Maybe you will take the time to start being honest with me as I TRY to keep a friendship thinking you must hate me to not ever even send a msg. >< So you don't have to send me a message back I'll take the hint. Just know this is my LAST attempt. There is no point trying to care enough to stay in contact as I have been the only one who cares. I'm just getting really fed up. It's not your parents that are choosing this it's you. So make up your mind.
So I'm here for you if you want a friend. I always will be here I'm just done trying if you don't care.
Goodbye if this is it.
-Keener
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