Visions pass before my eyes,
revealing hopes of who I'll be.
Racing thoughts do paralyze,
when contrasted with reality.
Inner conflict sets the stage,
battle royale feels so sublime.
Knowing I can turn the page,
clearly just a matter of time.
A contest entry
- 8-Line Poems by Daire.
550 points, ended January 23, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is hopeful and I really like the lines, "Racing thoughts do paralyze,/when contrasted with reality."
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This was written very well and was a pleasure to read. Your thoughts of how reality can keep one feeling right when your inner self is in turmoil was quite interesting. I've never thought of inner turmoil as being sublime, but I guess it's like they say....It's good to have pain because it feels so good when it goies away. That's what came across to me in your write. Great stuff and good luck in the contest.
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a short, well written piece, and an interesting analysis of the internal struggle versus the outward reality. Two thoughts though; the line "when contrasting with reality" might work better if you switched the tense of contrasting to "contrasted", also, the last line might flow a bit smoother if it read, "seems only to be a matter of time" which makes a bit more sense grammatically as well
just a few thoughts of mine. I enjoyed the read much! Keep on writing.
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I love it. The rhyming is awesome. I love the third line. Brilliant!
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