I stare ahead as the darkness descends.
Each normal thought in my head quickly ends.
Because, from the darkness of the coming night,
Out comes a flawless and beautiful light.
It seems to beckon me, "Follow along,"
And I do, for not following would just be wrong,
I follow for hours, yet don't feel fatigued
I'm enchanted, elated, and very intrigued.
It beckons and beckons, I follow it still,
Wherever it leads me, follow I will.
After a while it suddenly halts,
And turns to me shyly, like it's showing its faults.
I continue forward until I can touch
That wondrous light, for I want it so much.
It grows then, revealing the room that surrounds,
And with the new sights there comes many new sounds.
Somehow I hadn't been able to see
The horrid place to which the light led me.
I'd been so enchanted, I just hadn't thought
Of the pain and destruction the light could have wrought.
The walls of the room are coated in bones.
From each corner, loudly, come agonized moans.
Some not so lucky, being tortured still,
But the light still claims my wavering will.
Someone from somewhere screams at me to run.
As the light reaches for me I know I am done.
I can't escape it, I am in it's sight,
But it's so gorgeous, how could this be right?
I try to run, I try to get away,
Determined to live to see another day
But then I'm on the ground, writhing in pain.
That only gets worse, and refuses to wane.
Each touch from the light feels like a burning fire,
I'm a charred and broken, but still burning pyre.
It's gotten so bad now I'm praying for death,
Begging and screaming with each choking breath.
But it doesn't come, I'm tortured here still
Everything taken now, even my will.
I urge you now, please do not follow that light,
Close your eyes, leave, get it out of your sight.
Soon now, it's nearly there, please turn back now.
I know thats it's hard, but figure out how.
Otherwise you will end up just like me,
Screaming and burning for eternity.
Still loving the thing that's destroying my soul
Knowing without it, I wouldn't be whole
I couldn't leave, even if I were free
I love the very thing that is torturing me
I long for the release that death would allow
But it will never end, it's too late for me now.
Author notes
Sorry for any typoes, I did proofread carefully, but I usually miss something and then feel like an idiot. Don't feel bad for correcting me.
I was sitting in room listening to adeimus and the sound of music soundtrack (yes, I know how pathetic that is) and started writing this upbeat, happy poem. Well the song must have changed or something, because my mind (like it usually does) decided to make the poem a little bit evil. I didn't know where it was going, but went along anyway, and am a little bit happy with the results. I like the idea of loving something, and then continuing to no matter what it does to you. The trapped yet free state that it represents. The only way to be happy is to be miserable...that sort of thing. I guess it was an unconscious idea though, since I had not clue where it was going. I feel and am starting to understand the deeper meaning, but not well enough to explain it, and feel that this could be interpreted many different ways.
A contest entry
- In search of more favorites. by Antebellum.
600 points, ended July 19, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Maleficent Masterpieces by Miss Macabre.
800 points, ended July 26, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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The flow is flawless, the rhyme perfect. I love this poem, this light that lures and snares. Very creative. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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'I long for the release that death would allow
But it will never end, it's too late for me now.'
wow i really like this ending. thanks for taking the time to enter,
good luck -
We're all part of the system that surrounds and invades us. Domestic and societal systems, global systems and systems that evolve in the entire universe. Listening to music can profoundly affect the way we think and feel, more swiftly and deeper than most other forms of art. There seem to be a number of references to hell in the words, not actually identifying it, but rather loosely hinting to it. We affect the systems as well as they have an effect on us. It becomes dangerous when we do not realize that many systems are run by individuals or organizations that hide certain aspects of the system they induce onto life. We can then develop incorrect or inaccurate views that gives us an incorrect or inaccurate idea of the system's nature and intent. Reading this poem however gives me the impression that you will be able to sort out these things, able to distinguish at some point the true essence of systems involving you. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care.
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Very interesting
I hope that you really don't feel that the only way to be happy is to be miserable. However, the way that you take your misery and put it into words is wonderful. My favorite stanza is:
Still loving the thing that's destroying my soul
Knowing without it, I wouldn't be whole
I couldn't leave, even if I were free
I love the very thing that is torturing me
It's one of those things where you think something and even though it is not true, you still tend to believe it. You put it into much better terms and had a good rhyme going. Great write.
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gosh I LOVE THE WAY MUSIC ALTARS YOUR STATE SO, i AM TOLD IT A SIGN OF A GIFTED MIND, ANYWAY THIS IS AN OUTSTANDING POEM, WITH GREAT IMAGRY AND A FABULOUS STORYLINE TGROUGHOUT
NICE WRITE MY POET FRIEND -
I really liked the storyline within this, it held my attention.
I did however, think that at times the rhyming was a little forced, or that you arranged the sentences oddly in order to fit in with the rhyme, such as in;
"It seems to beckon me, "Follow along,"
And I do, for not following would just be wrong,"
But nevertheless, a well written poem.
Thanks for sharing.
♥
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Really good
I like the twist from light to dark. It has a nice flow and a the way you choose your words, it doesn't get boring. If pressed, I can find only one flaw. That is that the ending comes rather suddenly. Other than that, a wonderful read.
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This is amasing once again, great flow, nice tight rhythm, meaty chunky and awesomly good bravo
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I think this is a great piece. The rhyming was solid and the rhythm felt good to me as I was reading (though I was reading quickly and not looking to critique.) The idea here is a real powerful one. We can never get "blinded by the light" ignoring the consequences for what we desire, for if we do we wind up in the "valley of death," and for each step forward we have slid down forward toward our desires, we have a mountain to climb with people who have been hurt waiting at every corner and turn.
Did catch one typo: "From each corner, loudly, come aonized moans." (I assume you meant agonized.)
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AMAZING
the love and beauty of the light distracting you from the darkness around you. i love it.
yes, it might be long but i was entertained the whole way through. The dark turn the poem took gave it that extra ZING~ and i really enjoyed it.
Great job, keep writing. i imagine that i'll find myself once again reading this later or another day.
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I really enjoyed reading this, the imagery here was vivid and detailed. And I love the thought process behind your words, they held something true in them in a way. your Authors Notes really bring it all together as well! thank you very much for sharing!
Angel
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You have every reason to be happy with this write. It is excellent.
The AN was most appreciated and it added to an excellent read. Well penned.
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I am just taken away by the flow of your thoughts
s2... is my fave part
and I enjoyed your a/n as well...
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GREAT WRITE.
i really liked this. it flowed somewhat like a song.it did turn kinda dark but that took nothing away from the writing.
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