There's a little black umbrella
Shoved under the door
Forgotten in the darkness
Dripping on the floor
There's a little yellow raincoat
Having just been worn
Crying silently
As if he'd just been torn
There's a pair of little red boots
Sitting in the way
The paints rubbed off, they lay askew
They've nothing left to say
The rain is falling hard outside
As the storm rages even more
The thunder goes unanswered
By the belongings behind the door...
Copyright © Kira 2009
Author notes
Prompt: http://soilerosion.net/image/raindrop.jpg
O h . m y . j u l i e t
My second entry for Quickie #2.
1st entry:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5859305
A contest entry
- Not All Beauty is Colorful by XxAmongtheBrokenxX.
430 points, ended March 2, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Going for the Gold (PWs ONLY) by Intricate Wordsmith.
600 points, ended November 19, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments? :)
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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this was a beautiful poem, kira!!! thank you for entering it, this impressed me!!! congrats on the gold trophy. best of luck in my contest, and thanks for sharing.
claire
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Thanks so much (:
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thats really amazing!!!!good luck in the contest!!
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Yup.
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Thank you all (:
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y e s
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yes .
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Yes.
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This is an awesome poem. I loved the imagery and the metaphors you used in this piece. I could picture it in my mind. I enjoyed the read!!!
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Excellent
Such a well worded write. And so deserving of the gold. Congratulations
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"There's a pair of little red boots
Sitting in the way
The paints rubbed off, they lay askew
They've nothing left to say”
These are my favourite lines! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
-heva♫
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amazing!
i really like how u gave life to the objects almost like they had personality, it was great and nice to read =) -
simply beautiful...I loved how you did this. well done!
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i love this :]
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Congratulations on your shiny gold trophy. This is wonderfully written wonderful flow of words and it was a pleasure to read.
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It flows wonderfully and presents vivid images. Lovely.
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Lovely poem, you so deserved the gold!!!!!!!!!
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ohmygosh!!!
this is INSANELY good!
wow.
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Wow this is wonderfully written. I liked it a lot. Even though I woun't want it dripping on my floors. It was a pleasure to read.
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OMW i love it. I really do. It's an awesome write. Congrats on the trophy!
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very nice i lvoe it keep up the great work...i can see why it won a trophy very nice .
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There is life in this poem, it isn't just words. It's words with a meaning that brings an image that lives and breathes.
Incredible.
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I like the way you have taken each article and given it life. Like the rhyme too.
Khia
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well this is was just beauitful. I really liked how you wrote this and I see you won a trophy.. your poem definitely deserved it. kahy
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awww
awww it's cute. i like it -
Nothing much about blue here, it is very good though. I love raindrops and the way you have brought the raindrops in scene is very beautiful. . Good job there. Let me give my scores now.
How blue it was – 8/10 ( a bit disappointed with the missing of blue images)
Diction – 8/10
Theme – 9.5/10 (very good one)
Presentation – 8.8/10
Creativity – 9/10
Total – 43.3/50
Good score!! All the best in the contest!!!
Love and regards
Kiddy
(Dr.Vee – Silent Judge)
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wow, this is so sad and lonley, i think the rain really adds to the mood, it's well written and evoked emotion, good job.
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It could use a little tidying up, but is very well-written aside from that! great, clear imagery and well expressed personification. lovely surprise to have encountered!
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this is very sweet and has a hint of sadness to it, as well as mystery.
congrats on the gold you've earned for it before.
<3
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I have a new appreciation for these poor things now *sniff*. Very well written! And thanks for entering the contest; good luck!
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Wow I love this! I love the imagery and the way it flows and the different messages it could all mean.
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Imingery is great
the story visually seen in your words, very touching poetic piece, thank you for this entry...good luck
MM
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Interesting..I like it.
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I have to admit, my curiosity is more than a little peaked myself, but overall I have to say this was a great rhyme, well thought out, and the imagery is so poignant. Nice job.
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My dark imagination has taken over and I see a traffic accident ... paint rubbed off of little red boots...thunder that goes unanswered by a little voice that is no longer there. Then again, maybe he is tucked safely in a nice warm bed; his wet things cast aside dripping on the floor. A good poem to leave us wondering
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I really enjoyed the dark atmosphere of this poem. It's simple and yet so detailed. I actually would disagree with PetiteMarie. I like the stanza
"There's a pair of little red boots
Sitting in the way
The paints rubbed off, they lay askew
They've nothing left to say".
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Very nice write. I like the dark and depressing feeling about something that can be so much fun. I used to love running outside in the rain and splashing in the puddles. Anyway, great poem and good luck the contest.
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I thought the poem was refreshing. Nothing morbid, which in itself is refreshing. I could feel the weather from the words and it felt good.
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this could be taken more than one way and if taken a certain way it is very sad. But the little yellow raincoat has just been worn so I am trying not to be morbid ... I like the rhyme except for the 3rd stanza I have a problem fitting in the word askew ...
A pair of little red boots
Sitting in the way
paint rubbed off,
They've nothing left to say
maybe? -
KIRA!!!! I still really like this poem ^_^!!! This is like the million-th time i have like read this one HAHAHA!! So another comment to you on this one haha. Keep up your work of awesomeness!!! YAY FOR KIRA ^_
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great poem but on line 12 shouldn't it be left instead of leftt????just wondering that's all
overall........ill rate this an
AWSOME poem!!!!!hehehe.
great job...i lie the flow.
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Its so flowing loved it
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I love this poem, It carries a sweet sadness that just seems to flow from beginning to end.
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I can see why this is your favorite...
You have done an excellent job with it. I love the theme and description you have used. Very well put together and easy to read/enjoy.
Thank you for sharing your words and talent.
Keep writing on..
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