I made a promise, kept it locked in my heart,
Not gonna let you tear me apart
‘Cause this is another day, another path by my feet
An’ I won’t lose my direction, I’m still far from complete -
Chorus:
But every time I close my eyes
You are there,
Your voice in my ears, your fingers
In my hair –
I can’t lock you away,
It’s getting harder every day
To let go.
I must keep walking, find somewhere to belong,
There are many ways I’ve tried to move on -
I got my pride, I’ve got my own life to live,
I know that what you did to me, shouldn’t be easy to forgive -
Chorus:
But every time I close my eyes
You are there,
Your voice in my ears, your fingers
In my hair –
I can’t lock you away,
It’s getting harder every day
To let go.
Bridge:
It’s impossible
It’s unforgiveable
But the way you said my name
Is so hard to forget –
Chorus 2:
Oh,
And every time I fall asleep
You are there,
And every time I hear your voice
I despair –
Because my heart’s not my own
I am out of control
Let me let go.
*instrumental break*
Tomorrow beckons, time’s falling away,
It’s been so long that I have to be okay
I wanna know who set the limit, on how long you should mourn
Surely now enough time’s passed, for me to be reborn?
*key change*
Chorus 2:
Oh,
And every time I fall asleep
You are there,
And every time I hear your voice
I despair –
Because my heart’s not my own
I am out of control
Let me let go.
I say a prayer
Because my heart’s not my own,
I am lost and alone,
Let me let go.
Let me let
go.
Author notes
I know the title's a bit lame; Leona's songs are always (it seems) titled from the last line of the chorus, so...
This was a challenge. I don't write love, ever. I mostly don't write rhyme. I certainly don't write the kind of stuff Leona sings, so it was interesting, writing in a different style, almost - dumbed down? Less poetic, concentrating more on the words as a /song/ than a poem. I hope this fits the brief.
I can't work on lyrics without some idea of how it'll sound, thus the instrumental break & key change markings. Keeping in mind this is Leona, I envisioned melisma (her vocal gymnastics) on the end of line 2 in each verse, on the 'oh' prefacing each chorus 2 (which has the same tune as first chorus), and a /lot/ on the last 'go'. The occasionally awkward commas in the verses are meant to show phrasing more than act as punctuation; I toyed with taking them out, but that's how lyrics tend to be transcribed, so.
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Three [Top 12] by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended January 17, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
98 X-Factor
Originality: 7
Creativity/Poetic devices: 9
balance/cohesion: 10
flow: 9
song suits singer/rules/requirements: 10
emotion: 9
personal opinion: 10
general format: 10
quality of verses: 5
quality of chorus: 5
bridge is effective: 4
mechanics: 5
Extra credit: X Factor: 5
total possible: 100
Pretty.
-
Yup. Beautiful. Leona Lewis would sing this in a second.
-
101 - X Factor
Originality: 7/10
Creativity/Poetic devices: 9/10
balance/cohesion: 10/10
flow: 10/10
song suits singer/rules/requirements: 10/10 - perfect.
emotion: 10/10
personal opinion: 10/10
general format: 10/10
quality of verses: 5/5
quality of chorus: 5/5
bridge is effective: 5/5
mechanics: 5/5 - i understand your intentions with the commas, and they worked for me.
Extra credit: X Factor: 5/5
total: 101
Though this wasn't as creative as what you usually do in terms of poetic devices, I thought the effort to incorporate instruments in the lyrics was well done, and added a profound effect to it. It also showed me how into the song you were.
This flowed...and I could definitely hear Leona Lewis singing this.
Wonderful.
-
98 - X Factor
Originality: 8/10
Creativity/Poetic devices: 9/10
balance/cohesion: 10/10
flow: 9/10
song suits singer/rules/requirements: 10/10
emotion: 9/10
personal opinion: 10/10
general format: 10/10
quality of verses: 5/5
quality of chorus: 5/5
bridge is effective: 4/5
mechanics: 4/5
Extra credit: X Factor: 5/5
total possible: 100
Composition-wise, this is spot-on...you did very, very well with the formatting. Verse 3, I feel, could've done with a little extra in lines 1 & 2...but as it is, it takes nothing away from the piece as a whole.
Laura
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