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you bring out the color of my eyes.

you are like an oversized shirt,
you fit me in all the
wrong ways and
there is no way you can
button straight to fill up
all the holes.

you billow out to trap
all the warmth
on the inside;
it presses like a desertdisease
but you are also
shade -

I feel something when the
rain pelts the outside and
I am clammy on the inside.
fabric is greedy, sipping
sweat to quench itself
and mocking.

you have no tag, you
have no known material, and

you are my new favorite
attire.




~~~

Author notes

I wrote this at school the other day, I just forgot to post. in my bff Ashley's words, 'it's cute.'

In a list

A contest entry

of course that's how you're supposed to feel.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • fit me in all the wrong ways - wow

    shade

    attire

    nice.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    hahaha, you are so amazing, i love this, its brill, i wish i could have written it lol. hehe. keep it up. take care
    Stephanie ♥

  • tara wilson gold member
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    i love the title soooo much, and i just love where you went inside this simile, well done, Cassie, a beautiful poem, i enjoyed this so much

    i would take this out:
    /and like it,/ -- the reader already knows you are making a comparison, it just seems to hang there, and disrupts the flow. only a suggestion


    • And Hyetal
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your critique! Do you think that 'and,' would be better than 'and like it,'?

      • tara wilson gold member
        January 17

        Edit | Reply
        i don't think you need and, no, a period, with a line break. the way i see it, the less words the better in a poem. lol.
        of course -- do what feels right to you



  • notorious
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    Completely genius and cohesive


  • CaliOkie silver member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    More than cute. You fill the commonplace with wonder and mystery, you turn a shirt into a new skin and the way it lays on you reveals the contours of your soul . . . the high and low places of your heart. Simply stunning. You dislodge my jaded old heart and your view of the world is fresh and unique.

    Excellent.

    Garrison


  • baconlicious112
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    it's cute!


  • Cannonsfire
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Very original and well done here, loving that last stanza C


  • Ink4Blood
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow Cassie, when I saw the title I was not expecting something so....amazing. I love how you wrote it. Keep up the good work!

    -Justin

  • SoulWhispher
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    It's been a while since I have read your poetry daughter, you still have the touch, Dad


  • autarky
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    but it IS cute! wow. what a metaphor :]

1 - 15 of 15