Come faithful dawn, oh sacred dawn,
Bring fresh hope with your light,
That expectation all's not gone
And life's all darkened night.
The wait seems long until you show,
Your warming colours to bestow,
The wait seems long...
The wait seems long
Please hurry dawn, you wake so slow.
Come faithful dawn, oh sacred dawn,
Life lays beneath your flame,
Into your light each day I'm drawn,
With gloom gone, so does blame,
Releasing pain from silent song,
In dreams I've had the whole night long,
Releasing pain...
Releasing pain
And just right now nothing feels wrong.
Come faithful dawn, oh sacred dawn,
Your salve to soul I need,
No longer should I be withdrawn,
I won't let life's core bleed,
My strength will come beneath your cloak,
The dark shall not my soul revoke,
My strength will come...
My strength will come
Your purity my saving yoke.
Author notes
MY FIRST! Yay!!
Trijan Refrain
The Trijan Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of three 9-line stanzas, for a total of 27 lines.
Line 1 is the same in all three stanzas, although a variation of the form is not to repeat the same line
at the beginning of each stanza. In other words, the beginning line of each stanza can be different.
The first four syllables of line 5 in each stanza are repeated as the double-refrain for lines 7 and 8.
The Trijan Refrain is a rhyming poem with a set meter and rhyme scheme as follows:
Rhyme scheme: a/b/a/b/c/c/d,d refrain of first 4 words of line five /c
Meter: 8/6/8/6/8/8/4,4 refrain/8
In a list
A contest entry
- Show Me Some Form (Contest) by Paloszoo.
1000 points, ended January 23, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Tell Me What You Think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Simply beautiful. I'm really impressed. I was taken by this from start to finish. Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you show your work here!
-
Paloszoo has asked me to co-judge with an eye to form so this comment is centred on form, my opinion of the rest won't count in the judging
Your first stanza appears to be perfectly to form but in each of the subsequent verses you have written the first four lines in iambic tetrameter/iambic termeter/iambic tetrameter/iambic tetrameter in other words you have an extra foot (2 syllables) in line 4 of s2 and s3, a pity because otherwise this is a beautifully composed trijan refrain, and a lovely poem.
Jeff
-
-
Now appears perfect, a good edit.
-
-
Excellent
Wow, great use of form. And so inspirational. Best of luck in the contest
-
Gaylene
My gal yopu are getti ng deep lately. Perhaps we beg for the morning purge as the night demons do their dance inside our minds. Dark & forboding.
-
I'm left speechless Gaylene. This is absolutely breath-taking. I don't know this style but I do know this is probably the most captivating poem I have ever read!! I love it!! Your pen is magical my friend. WOW! All the best..
Linda
-
Wow, I am stunned, how did you do this one so quickly and with perfect rhyme and flow. I wish I could do this. What a wonderful message lays within this beautiful form. I am left in awe. Best to you in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
