Decency

It’s time for me to lay it on the line. Ha what a joke. As if I haven’t done this already. Well yes, granted last time I was drunk. Last time my words didn’t seem to matter. What makes me think this time will be different? Well I don’t think that. I guess mostly it’s my hope I hold on to that you won’t abandon what I know lies between us. So fine, you choose her not me. So fine, you say it’s me who has feelings. That I feel more than you. Yet if this is true than why was it so easy for you to jump on top of me? You slid inside me so gently and I could feel you had been yearning it just as much as I had been. So now you don’t want to answer my phone calls. Now you seem to think I’m so easily forgotten? Well that’s fine. I know that whether it be tomorrow or ten years from now. No matter what I’m in your heart. You’ll think why? Why did I let my true love go? And then you’ll see me over there. I’ll be happy with someone else.

Fuck I am stuck, stuck here thinking where it all went wrong. I just keep writing because maybe then if I  get you on these pages, eventually you’ll get out of my head. Just write and write till there isn’t anything left of you inside me. So my conclusion of  why you have decided to not let me come see you one last time. Is that you have no courage to face your insides. You might for some un-godly reason already feel guilty for having intimate moments with me. You already feel so bad that you know what will happen when our eyes meet again. You know, you can’t, not touch me. You can’t, not turn into my kisses. I think it’s because you love me too. Perhaps it’s just your own selfishness. Of  wanting what’s in front of you. So you figure take me out of the equation your life will be perfect. You can live happily ever after, with some girl you think can now be your new princess. Well fuck you. Fuck your disregard and thinking you can replace my love so easily. I curse you and curse whatever love you think you’ve found. Frankly I know, no matter how much I write and write. My heart will let you linger inside. Ugh. I hate this agony. Why did I even let my lips and ears fall for your words, your lips, your eyes. Now all I have are my tears which you won’t even give me the decency of looking at. I hate you.