Desperate for a single brush,
a stroke, a glance, a mutual touch;
Yearning to be held once more,
enraptured by a queer fervor.
Crushed beneath the weight of lead,
pale and frightened; ashen dread.
A gulp of air to ease the lungs,
spared from Death-she's far too young.
Inkwell eyes to mourn the loss:
the bitter fruit of Love, its cause.
Author notes
Two poems in one, a hidden metaphor.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Oh my god, the rhyming in this poem completly blew me away, I love rhyming not doing it myself because its awful, but reading it and I only like reading it when a poet can rhyme, and you can rhyme. I'm in awe with this, i really am, brilliant write here. Worthy of more applause than i can give.
Laura
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thank you for the applause + comments, much much appreciated
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So much said in so little words! Beautiful, Well-crafted poem.
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thank you
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Interesting poem, it sounds like all one pome to me. I am not sure the message of your poem. I wish you the best of luck in your future writes.
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the fact that you're confused about the message of my poem is...believe it or not...a good thing. That's one of the messages itself-confusion.
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Very Good
I love this poem. Nice imagery and rhyming in it. Very good job!
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thank you!
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You wrote with rhyme, you wrote with metaphor. You expressed emotion very well. This has to be excellent.
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thank you for the comments
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A bitter taste of love, Is the cause ... to write such an breath taking write then I guess its worth it...
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haha I'm still trying to figure out whether it's actually worth it or not, thank you
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Beautifully worded!
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thanks
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this is beautiful...lovely write
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many thanks
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This is really beautiful
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thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it
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^-^
wow amazing ryming it does pack a powerful punch ^-^ keep up the good work its truely inspiring almost like forbidden fruit i've been called that once
~Luna†
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forbidden indeed, thank you
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I love the rhyme of this - as always and the poem has a beautiful heavy sadness to it, as if it wants to reach out and close my eyes. I'm not sure what the hidden metaphor is ... I've read it a few times and I'm still drawing blanks - maybe because I'm trying it like a code? Anyway - I love it and I hope you are well!
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thank you my friend, you are quite the loyal commenter
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