The stone of the grave is there to state
that people don't always come close
Just like the sea will never hug the sky
just like a puppet will never ask why
So close together but so torn apart
the kingdom of heaven awaits for your call
and she lived forever in his secret thoughts
he might never met her but she haunted his soul
what could have happened who is there to tell
would passion and lusting have drove them to hell?
but they never met
As he keeps on walking and heading back home
his mind keeps on strolling and chasing a ghost
Maybe her soul is now resting in peace
maybe she's sobbing for what she has missed
The mist in the air is covering up what is left
no one reporting this great theft
but they never met
A contest entry
- Eleanor Rigby by coloringmysenses.
700 points, ended January 23, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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First and foremost, thank you for entering this contest!
I really like your use of couplets throughout the poem... it's a nice way of breaking up how the two people feel in this poem. The imagery in this is great - it gives a sense of longing. This piece also shows how difficult it is to know someone, yet never meet them. You'd never know what's happened if you never kept in touch. You captured that perfectly.
I would suggest for you to stabilize your capitalization. It appears to be very sporadic.
Adding some punctuation in on certain parts may also help the reader.
Good luck in the contest! -
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Thank you very much for your nice words and for the useful tip... I found the idea for this contest really interesting and coincidentally this song of The Beatles is one of my favorite and has been stuck in my head for quite some time...
Take care,
Latradi
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