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Storm

Missing image

I’ve always had trouble
keeping my eyes open
in a gale


cold gusts cling to the
white of my eyes
and pearls balance on
my lower lids,


ready to tip; trickle
onto rosy cheeks.


The wind makes
my eyes sore

and sting like the
open wound you
sliced in our life.

Author notes

poem inpired by image.

image credit

In a list

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Comments

  • Topnotchsy
    March 10

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    I love the first three stanzas. The imagery and feel is awesome. I like the last stanza, but didn't feel the level of emotion that the first three had, and didn't feel that the metaphor ties together as well as it might. Still a great write though.


  • Gingersoul
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    I deeply enjoyed this- especially in the second stanza, the imagery and word choice is fantastic. The last stanza isn't quite as powerful as the rest of it, though. Maybe it's the "makes..sore and sting". The combination of making adjective and making verb sounds a tad awkward to me.
    I like that you are tying it to a relationship, but I think an innovative way of hinting at that, as opposed to a blunt statement, would end it more powerfully. Perhaps avoiding cliche?
    Thank you for the lovely piece.


  • Azgar
    January 15
    Edit | Reply
    More than the poem, I like the opening


  • ChelseySmile
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    Love the imagery in stanza two. Pearls that balance on your lower lid.

    Good luck in the contest.