Unthinkable

Too much pain inside to begin to see
What's hurting me is meant to be;
A life living inside me would unravel
The many miles I've traveled;
It was wonderful to know you cared
Heartbreaking to know you're not there;
I'll carry this piece of you for only so long,
It's something that doesn't even belong.

I miss seeing you're smile light up
That drug altered face;
I guess this was my good luck,
Using up my useless life for this space;
I knew you cared about me
And know that you still do;
This love is killing me, don't you see,
I'm dying inside because I love you.

I'm debating my decisions, my ways,
Just to be this being that seems okay;
I told you too many things to let you go,
I've cried too many times to allow tears to flow;
You were better, so I feel wrong about this,
Messing up your life, who'd have known;
Maybe I can turn this hell into bliss,
But you've seen what I haven't shown.

I won't erase this memory from my mind,
And I won't allow the memory to die in time;
I want to remember this pain, this agony,
So I can't fuck this up again;
I don't want to carry life in me,
Not if we still stay friends;
I'll love you until the very end,
Even if is this relationship can't mend.