Suddenly the stars were just
beyond my reach.
and the pinks
and the greens
lost their allure.
I was always higher
than gravitys regimen.
And
it's suprisingly relieving
to have more than air
to keep me afloat.
I was once on a one-way
flight
but I'm back from never[never] land
and a sober sky
has never been
so appealing.
Good-bye tinsel streamers,
Good-bye confetti glitter
You were a big part,
but I was more lost
with you
than without you.
I forfeited the heavens
for a little taste of earth.
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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ahhhhh... nice. still has a sound that i liked that started me liking your writing, but it seems you've shifted speeds and come back to a reality-based scene.
your ending is amazing. because everything flows together well. -
You were a big part,
but I was more lost
with you
than without you.
love this part..it stood out to me -
very good
It was very new, and inspiring. It moved me. -
This a refreshing, innovative and colourful poem. The first stanza is excellent and the last couplet ("I forfeited the heavens/for a little taste of earth.") is really quite majestic.
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i really love this the flow is great..
the way its is set up is a little confusinf..
but then my sight isnt that good anyways..lol
well done this is really well written..
keep em coming
.pixi.
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i love the poem. it was beautifully written.. i loved the ending and how the poem flowed...
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the ehnding of htis is just so beautiful...i adore this piece!!!
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YES!
You learn well what I've struggled with for months. Your style and conveyance of wisdom in this wonderfully expresses piece is admirable. And you ended it with just the right words to express your position of conviction.
Now if only I myself could let go of the desire to be so lost.
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I adored this. It really shows how you've grown as a person if this is written based on what you've gone through. The imagry and the metaphors were awesome!! keep it up, and thanks for sharing this great piece!
Peace and Love,
B
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I really like this poem
You were a big part,
but I was more lost
with you
than without you.
This line really speaks to me the most....I know exactly how this feels. You love someone but your better off without them then with them. Great job! -
this is so amazing! and touching very good write!
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This is beautiful, you're brilliant at writing Dirty Pretty. Keep up the amazing work
-Anneliese -
i dont know maybe this aint my type of poetry! it's okay keep at it!
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i like it.
i don't normally like dirty-pretty, but this is...quite moving, actually. i quite like it, and the form works well with the content.
I was once on a one-way
flight
but I'm back from never[never] land
and a sober sky
has never been
so appealing.
that stanza especially.
the last two lines work very nicely to tie the whole thing up.
it's...quite effective. all of it.
i actually like the suddenly at the beginning, i feel it draws one in, but that might be just me...
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NICE IMAGERY AND USAGE OF WORDS...THE WAY IT WENT WAS GREAT...BUT I TINK U CAN GETAWAY WITH THAT "SUDDENLY" IN THE BEGGINING...
I EAN JUST A SUGGESTION...
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Wonderful! I loved this whole thing. The imagery and the metaphors were fantastic. The only thing that caught me off guard was the way you started the poem- it made me feel like it jumped right into the middle of something.
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wow this is a wonderful poem!
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Beautiful.
I forgot how well you can write. This truly is beautiful.
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Thank you very much. curiousity.. Do you watch Death Note?
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A beautiful piece. I was initially intrigued by the title and I was not disappointed.
I forfeited the heavens
for a little taste of earth.
These lines were my favourites and what an amazing end to an amazing piece.
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