dear diary

dear diary,
here's a little bit about me.
yes my heart does beat
and my blood does flow.
but if you look deep in my eyes,
you'll see I'm merely a dead girl walking amongst the living.I was born dead.
when I was a young girl merely five I became a slut
my daddy the man I looked up too crept into my room one night.he took my innocence no longer a girl,now a woman.I had discovered rap. I had discovered sex. the next morning when I finally had the courage to leave my room. to throw my bloody sheets away. I stumbled upon the worst sight of my life. my mother, my dear mother being beaten by the very man who had just stole my virginity hours ago.daddy why must you do these things I begged and plead.this continued many many many years up until the day which I will never forget. sept. 11. my birthday by the way. he was burned for his sins here on earth aka this fireless hell.by then I had discovered the blade my one true love. ahh the way my blade makes me feel is to good to be true. I enter a different world where everything is just fine. I had also at this time looked for love in the wrong places. seeing I certainly got known from my drug abusing mother. I opened up to him. the poser I like to call him now. he never loved me. he only used me. cheated on me later told me I was nothing but a good lay...what did I do? I cut I cut liked never before. I wrote I cried I tried to die I overdosed on lithium. yet I survived sadly. once again. HERE. I discovered low self esteem. I discovered anti social. I then was Told by a therapist that I suffer from manic depression and borderline depression. time still goes on and still I'm put down. I still cut I'm still the same nobody I was then. I see my future. I see myself. nowhere I see myself dead. I see myself alone. I see myself still unhappy. this is my life this is who I was then this is who I am now.
my past created me
-jan.14.
9:33