your soft threads, burnt with a crisp red,
envelope my naked body that's covered with emotions.
laughing into the secret crevices of my sheets,
we remember the shrieks of joy I screamed
into your cashmere arms the night he said
"I love you"?
i bet never will you forget,
the confusion, the night you held
another woman in your warm folds with
my so called "lover"
you bared the water from my leaking eyes,
soaked up my hurt,
and held my secrets with the hand of your threads.
Author notes
Its amazing what a sheet can hold. Really, I mean think about it, they bear all your thoughts and can hold your tears and can share that excitment that exhilirates you so much you cant sleep. So in a way, they can know only the true me, because they truly do hold all my thoughts from the day and are with me everynight i cant sleep because i'm so happy that he loves me.
please critique!!!
Precious MemoriesA contest entry
- give me an image by flight.
400 points, ended February 10, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (Contest #193) Prompts contest by daviscth.
900 points, ended January 26, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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nice poem,very thoughtful,and thank you for your comments,I've been busy with work and its been a quick year so I've been writing but haven't posted lately
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thanks so much!
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i loved the first part!!!
"i bet never will you forget"
this line is too wordy
why not say:
"you won't forget"
i feel that's a stronger way to say it.
also:
"held my secrets with the hand of your threads"
with the hand of your threads???
what does that mean?
the ending was flat to me,
but again, the beginning was great!
peace to all ~flight
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Wow!! This is really different from what I expected. I enjoyed the imagery and I also like your note. You have a valid point. Thanks for the entry.
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Thank you! I"m glad you enjoyed it!
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