Sunlight splays upon her frail, delicate skin.
The sky displays images of the unseen heart.
A cocoon digging through the wall just to be beautiful.
That will power engraves a jealousy from within.
The sweet, breathtaking breeze gives her hair flight.
And the Sweet California’s buds shine their softness towards her.
A shining, once hidden, seems to surface.
But a startling, tumbling, awaking pain becomes visible.
Grief, and affliction builds up goose bumps all over her body.
Finger nails dig inside her skin, creating a scarlet, dripping mess.
Screams unfold and tumbles of rock-hard rain voices out in hysterics.
A soul trapped inside something, so inhuman, breathless;
And it flattens her berserk, freeless soul.
Author notes
This picture is titled 'esc' http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosie_hardy/2671055163 and most of the day now i've been flicking through these pictures: http://www.flickriver.com/photos/25182021@N05/popular-interesting
~
Beginning : A dream
Ending : Reality
A contest entry
- Picture prompt. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended January 16, 2009, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like some of the imagery in this poem. Some of the lines are a bit broken and don'tflow so well, i suggest just rea arranging words or using a synonym. 'Screams unfold and tumbles of rock-hard rain voices out in hysterics. ' sentences like these may do well with a bit of punctuation so you understand what parts to stop at when reading. Other than that, great take on the prompt.
Thanks for entering
Laura. -
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Thanks for the feedback
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Excellent
I think this is a fantastic example of imagery; "Finger nails dig inside her skin, creating a scarlet, dripping mess.", this is just one example but the whole piece is excellent. On the other hand I found a few sentences were too disjointed, though they conveyed meaning they required time to piece together. Something like: "A cocoon digging through the wall just to be beautiful." would have benefitted from a period or an apostraphe after "cocoon", its just would have made the line flow better. However, all-in-all, an excellent write and a good read.
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Thanks for the feedback. After the contest, I'll try and take time to make some of the sentences flow better. Thanks again.
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