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My Selfish Ambition


I saw her at school one day
She was a beauty of sorts
Her pale skin glowed
And her eyes were blue orbs

I saw her thin lips
Curve into a smile
I stared through my tears
But tried not to cry

She calmed my wet tears
She held my shaking hand
Her skin was so cold
So small, but in demand

I knew she was dangerous
But her voice was so sure
I listened intently
For the desirous cure

She whispered strange things,
Those words in my ear
I obeyed every word
I knew it was clear

Her orders, her demands
A beauty, a guard
She knew I would listen
She knew I’d go far

With perfect finesse,
I envied her form
I wanted to be her
Perfection, galore

Addiction, a drug
I knew what she was
I couldn’t get enough
Of that empty, dull tug

I’d always rebel
I’d always disobey
But I’d always come back
Feeling regret and ashamed

She’s a drug, a disease
My only true friend
I confide in her always
When I need to amend

But I wish that she wasn’t
She’s a cruel, evil beauty
She knows every weakness
My selfish ambition.

Author notes

this is about Ana(anorexia) and how she whispers evil things to you. always telling you that you'll never be good enough.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • April Somerston
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    There's a LOT of great stuff in here...you took a common concept (the personification of "Ana") and made it your own, and it's working very well. I would recommend, however, that you either tighten up the rhyme and rhythm scheme, or lose it completely. It seems that sometimes you're sacrificing phrasing and word choices for rhyme, and you're therefore limiting yourself. Rewrite this in prose, in sentences, and don't think about the rhymes. Then, turn it back into free-verse. It's gonna be awesome...let me know when you've revised it. Thanks for entering.


  • Winged Unicorn
    January 14

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    You have touched upon a very delicate subject with tactful finesse. It is beautifully written, well thought out and the phrasing is perfect. This poem is filled with emotion that may guide readers on the path to beginning to try to understand how suce a horrible addiction touches peoples lives both those who suffer from anorexia and the families of those who suffer from it. It is Simple and Elegant. Truly Beautiful.


  • Stormy Days
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    I like the poem its a very strong peace with a lot of emotion in it I hope all gets well soon for you and thanks for entering
    ~Good Luck~
    *Dark Poet*


  • starving4perfection
    January 14
    Edit | Reply
    WOOAH!! i love this! I can really relate to it! Im so sorry your going through that. Try be stronger than those evil voices...i know its hard though =[ i really really hope you recover the best of luck to you with that! =]
    Thank you so much for taking the time to enter my contest. Good luck!! =]

1 - 6 of 6