I cover my face to try and make you go,
I hide away but my fears still show,
I run from you but you follow behind,
I shut my eyes but you enter my mind.
I lock the door, but your already there,
I shout and scream but no does care,
I bang my head, to try make you leave,
I hold my breath, even though i already cant breath.
I wrap my banket tight around me,
I hug my self close but ill never be free,
I beg and plead, but all you do is laugh,
I am 19 years old, yet i feel 4 and a half.
I rock back and forth, but you still look at me,
I close my eyes tight shut, but you i still see,
I try to drown out your voice, but my attempts are no use,
Your screaming and shouting, and i can not get loose.
I pick up the lighter, and burn against my skin,
But you laugh and tell me, that again you win,
I do as you say, and burn where you tell,
But thats not enough, you want to cause me more hell.
I look in your face, as you told me to do,
But then you call me a slut, and say 'god i hate you',
You chuckle and laugh when you see my desgrace,
And faster and faster my heart starts to race.
'Please do not hurt me, i am begging you please'
But he does not care that im down on my knees,
'Im sorry i am, that i am so bad',
'Ill try and be better, to not make you so mad'.
But my words are no good, you do not care,
You say i must be punished and grab me by my hair,
I squeel out with pain, but you just tell me to shut up,
Then you pass me the 'potion' in your 'magic' cup.
You tell me to drink it, but it tastes so bad,
But i know if i dont i will just make you more mad.
I saw what you put, in the 'potion' today,
And it is making me sick, as my skin turns to grey.
You put in your 'white stuff' and put in the blood,
You wee'd in it, poo'd in it, now it just looks like mud,
But it smells so bad, and it's making me gag,
As i look up to beg you, you just call me a slag.
I can still taste it, like its happening right now,
I dont know why, and i dont know how,
But it is happening again, i there, make him stop,
Please i am begging, my mind soon will pop.
This isnt a dream, a nightmare at all,
This is real life, and im so tiny and small,
Help me, please save me, from these evil men,
Because soon ill relive more, and it will all happen again.
Author notes
Ive basicly spent the whole of today in flashbacks and i am starting to loose touch with reality, i feel like i am a little girl again and am reliving the abuse. I dont know what is wrong with me, all i know is that it wont stop and is so scary. i just dont know what to do any more :'(
I hope this doesnt trigger anything for any one. Please leave me a comment, good, bad, what ever you feel. Just please be a little sensative as they are all true stories about my life so far x
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I'm sorry you have to go through that, I too am victim currently of lots of the same abuse. I have watched countless, including my beloved sister, may she rest in peace, die as a result. You need to get away, in which ever way you can, deary. Honest to God.
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I don't know what to say but I feel like I have to say something... :S They're awful... Great write !! Just be strong...
I wonder how don't they feel shame
It's them people should blame
They burned a heart with endless flame
It's not easy... Life isn't a simple game...
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:S
I can't describe what i felt as i read this, Because i'm filled with anger,What these non human being's do is just more then sick..It's not nice to get stuck in past pain, even harder to wake up to reality,
All i can say now is be strong..And best wishes even though times are tough.
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Be Strong
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aww. hun, theres nothing wrong with you. there never was, its everything around you thats fucked up. i know, i have a lot of flashbacks too, and it sucks when you have such awful memories, but it'll be ok. i hope the best for you
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It takes me "low" if that makes any sense. It's so powerful, it almost hurts. This is an amazing poem. You are a great writer and I can tell just by this one.
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Wow wow wow... this is an amazing poem, you've told your pain so well and captured the feeling of flashbacks to a tee, i can relate to this sooo much... well, the first 7 stanzas anyway. This is really heart wrenching and definately touches a few nerves with me.
Really a powerful poem, I'm sorry you've been having such bad flashbacks, I know how awful they are. *hugs*
x x x
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this is a heart-wrenching poem. i feel all of the emotion weaved through it, and it's very powerful. the rhythm is flawless and the rhymes don't feel forced. i'm so sorry about what you had to go through, and i know it must be hard. some days are worse than others, and hopefully, tomorrow will be better! (because there WILL be a tomorrow!) this is a great poem, and remember, i'm always here for you if you need me.
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There is nothing wrong with you! It sounds like things were unthinkable horrible! Allow yourself time to be sad then pray and get up! There is nothing wrong with you!!!! Keep writing! It has always helped me!
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so sad but a very powerful write xxx
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:'( so sad! it must be so awfull...
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omg im so sorry!! that must be horrible! ='[ i feel so sorry for you..its so sad what you went through. You can talk to me anytime whenever your feeling like that...ill keep you company and try keep you distracted so you dont think about it! ill try too anyway! =
as for the poem, its amazing as always just like you. =] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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