1) Naked, exposed upon the chilly beach. He is alone. Light approaches from darkness.
2) Cast upon the desolate beach of despair. Naked of excuses’ covering, every ragged breeze of reproach and chilling ripple of recall suck away the warmth of self-satisfaction. Atrophied arms, unexercised with compassion, search vainly to keep the approaching light of self- revelation from piercing eyes that would not see.
None so Blind
Night swathed Self
in sable rationalizations,
courtesy’s cocktail demurs,
tittering twinkle at travesty,
velvet-tongued witty disdain ~
‘Til Life’s heedless storms
hove him overboard,
to beach on
solitary shoals,
desolate human flotsam.
Each ragged breeze of reproach,
chill ripple of recall,
sucks away warmth
of self-satisfaction,
transforms illusion’s attire
to despair.
Dawn suckles her bantlings,
Truth and Clarity;
with revelation’s lamp
departs to search
for the Lost
and Day.
Author notes
bantling: a very young child
Prompt: artwork by Dallas Bromley, http://www.artdept.com.au/contest02/modern/Bromley.html
A contest entry
- TRIO by Ronald Wiseman.
1750 points, ended January 29, 2009, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Fine images with some ordinary
personifications I'm not fond of in modern poetry. For example, I would not personify the word "illusion". You are resurrecting an archaic word "bantling" [= brat of a child] and somehow it sounds well, although I'm not quite sure why truth and clarity are almost bastardized.
Thank you for such an interesting piece of work.
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‘Til Life’s heedless storms
hove him overboard,
to beach on
solitary shoals,
desolate human flotsam.
Lovely the imagery here- picture perfect. Enjoyed very much reading your work; like walking through a delectable candy store of words. Yum. Well done,
and good luck to you,
~Mary O
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Very well created ...
and you seemed to perceive the very image that I did. I like yours better as it seemed to add some truthful imagery where I left more to the imagination. Glad to find you here! j y
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Beautiful!
So deep and vivid. My favorite part-"desolate human flotsam" That describes the prompt picture perfectly and is a theme worth exploration.
Excellent as always.
KW~
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Thank you so much for this entry ...
which clearly differentiated between genres.
Suggestion:
1) He is alone. Naked, exposed upon the chilly beach. Light approaches from darkness.
Beautiful work.
Love
Myra
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I really like that last verse.
This poem has a lot of feeling in it and a lot to think about. It is technically wonderful with great alliteration, and has a flowing rhythm to its free verse.
The 'ragged breeze of reproach' is a unique idea and you give plenty to think about in that verse too.
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"Dawn suckles her bantlings,
Truth and Clarity"
There is something about that phrase!
I think you have done the experiment great justice. Well done!
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