wild the heartbeat. silence
one peak could rove the world
a buzz of untold presence -
lungs kiss
the barest breath of snow
Author notes
short, but i think it says what it needs to.
A contest entry
- INVITE ONLY!!! by PerfectImperfection.
800 points, ended February 12, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHORT PREWRITES! QUICKIE! by ItaloEtkin.
870 points, ended April 8, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Interesting, good short poem! Love the diction. You should read my poems, they are a little similar to that of yours.
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I believe you're correct ...
this is a good job. It has a haiku-like feel to it, actually.
Write on.
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I love the word choice, it contrasts with the moment. The words are "crisp," sharp, bold, where as the moment is slow, serene and silent. I like that the language is tight, and no words are wasted.
Well done.
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this a fantastic poem. great word choice
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It does indeed speak volumes in such small measure. Very well penned, showing without a doubt WHY you are a favorite!!! I love the depth of this, great imagery! Nice write! Thank you for your entry!
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Excellent. I wouldn't revise it . . . revision might dilute the clarity you have written. Adding to it would be superfluous, taking away might make it less than it is. Second guessing this one might hurt it. My humble opinion.
Garrison
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wonderful poem
you've captured such terrific imagery with this piece -
Wow. WOW
That was absolutely incredible!!!! I loved the imagery. The last line was mesmerizing.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I used to absolutely hate enjambement. we're talking, there wasn't anything that I disliked more in poetry, haha. but for some reason, lately I'm enjoying it - and I believe that I've even used it too, haha.
I love this. the images are superb: since it's about -40 outside here today, I'm definitely feeling the frigid images. "lungs kiss", particularly, I love. I feel like this is one of those pieces that could so easily be interpreted slightly differently by everyone, and I love that. very well done.
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