I feel stagnant
like a puddle
warmed by the sun.
a brilliant shine
on the outside
underneath
thick with stench
stir up the water
mix it all around
with a wide stick
covered in bark
you taste me
swish me around in your mouth
spitting me out
scooping my contents
swirling me around
in circles
till the weeds
fall through the cracks
of your calloused fingers.
Hardly anything is left
of me
in the cradled palm
of your hands
sits the bitter residue
i start to evaporate
and all that is left
is sticky ooze deeply embedded
in the lines of your hands
yet you don't hurry
to wash me off
with potent soap
rinsing away
sticky unbearable smell
taking your finger
you dip it back
into the murky water
stirring in a gentle cycle
the thick water
almost solidified
you dig a trench
letting fresh water in
taking the place
of the weeds and slime
current swirling
reeling, twisting
me in circles
till i am absorbing you
my hands coming
in contact with yours
i am translucent
and you shine
in me
Author notes
No matter what state we are in, God can turn us around, change us, and make us beautiful.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The Poetic Bandits
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I love the metaphor throughout this, it's very much within reach and relate-able to me. I could picture everything, you imagery is very powerful, and I love the message in this as well. This is a piece much deeper than a puddle in the sun, and I enjoyed reading it.
~lost
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Bandits Unite
Filled with great, unusual imagery the metaphor is astounding especially the third stanza well thought out and written...George.....
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Oh yes! this is truly a magnificent poem, filled with grand imagery. An extraordinary piece! What more can I say?
Love & Light
Debbera
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This is absolutely beautiful. It's very original - Amazing imagery and everything! Love it love it love it! Great job!
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Well done
I liked the flow and the point even though I am not religous, but if I may make a suggestion? Punctuate, it guides your readers and helps the flow, also capitalize otherwise we dont know who or what is important. A well written poem none the less.
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Outstanding
I liked the ending which really turned the poem around and gave it new meaning and direction. Your choice of language was excellent and you expressed your emotions very well. You are right God looks after us in our darkest moments.
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You are right this is absorbing, unusual and I feel badness dying and being renewed having been touched by light.
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Bandits Reading List ~
Wowzers;
This is such an incredible poem, I found myself reading through this twice and both time I was held by the third stanza - there is so much power within your words
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Very moving and emotional poem. You get that picture of a woman being touched by a white light even. Good Job!
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