The strokes of summer's half-moon
sent a weird light down, offering the privilege
of utterance to something otherworldly,
and it made me wonder-- did god flee to the high ground?
Can't seek shelter from one’s own thoughts,
so here we are, amassing tedium like two
dirt-encrusted prospectors, except you’re
wearing cashmere over your favorite dinner gown.
I liked how at the table you offered your undulating bosom,
making me forget to ask what was on the menu.
Your eyes became dark dishes around glowing embers--
the effects of eating your pink pastry.
Those were odd moments, both of us mired
and benumbed in the doldrums of ecstasy,
far outweighing any hunger. But such was our limbo,
bent and tangled under the summer's half-moon.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
this is gorgeous & very tastefully sensual.
enjoyed..
-
beautiful!
-
wow
amazing write. beautifully written.
-
the vision that explodes in your verse is gr8 and the reader enjoys the verbal journey
-
This is intresting full of discritions the imagry is great this was sooo well written!
-
Beautifully written. The imagery in this piece is amazing, and the work is emotional, too.
"of utterance to something otherworldly,
and it made me wonder-- did god flee to the high ground?"
That's my favorite section of the poem. Creative, and it makes the reader think.
Nicely done. -
P.s. your profile pic is amazing
-
Ooo, very beautiful and personal. The intimate details and descriptive passion you share with the reader are very potent.
My favorite line is the last "bent and tangled under the summer's half-moon"....
always talented
best wishes
-
Intriguing
This was an intriguing piece
that took me on a journey of wonder.
Reflections of romantic moments
danced in my head. The memories
of youthful romance uttered in
sweet remembrance. Nice write
-
benumbed in the doldrums of ecstasy,
That is depressing, and I hate to admit, I know just how it feels.
I'd like to suggest a comma after the word "wonder" in the first line. My tongue tripped there when I was reading.
Other than that, this is a very vivid piece. i like the tone and the imagery very much. -
sensually delicious. the imagery is awesome and creative choice of words. thank you for sharing and good luck in contest. =)
-
You are flawless.
-
Very Good
My only problem is that the first stanza seems oddly unconnected to the rest of the poem. I think that "and it made me wonder did god flee to the high ground?" does not fit well, as it does not seem to lead to the relationship with your lover.
Other than that, I like your use of imagery, and your excellent diction serves you well. I feel that this piece is almost finished and very well written
Keep up the great work! -
chuckle
you know how to light up a boring conversasion
-
and a perfect limbo it is, so many words to savor. Brilliant.
-
Beautifuly Written
Excelent assemblage of descriptives
(pulled me in hoping for more)
Brav-o
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
