Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Liquid Moon

 


You were the golden moon in amber sky
bright and shadow low in the quivered trees
as clouds made painted haze then floated by
to leave frames of bare limbs and wintry breeze
quiet warmth soothed as the cold quaked my knees
and I was made captive by sight and glow
as light lifted flight, above silver snow.
 
Bold and bare, dark limbs shaped into a vase
and you became the sweet flower of night
ascended, thin limbs etched a vivid maze
to caress soft bronze face, then gleamed so bright
pushed back darkness, pressed distant stars from sight
elegant arcs, deep hues made silent flows
streamed skies above, my wintry place below.

 

Passage upon a firm but gentle sweep
I reached like the branches to risen gleams
for a treasure I would hold close and keep
while ceaseless time betrayed my hopeful dreams
upon stair steps of bright and graceful beams
to lose you now, stumbled grasp tested fates
you to heights, love a snowy step too late.

 

 

 

Author notes

Rhyme royal, rime royal:
a stanza of seven ten-syllable lines,
rhyming ababbcc

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    I was completely wrapped in your last stanza. So beautifully executed and filled with love, and passion

    and my favorite - the moon, so closely tied to ocean and surf.

    Thank you so much taking the time to tweak and perfect this gem. Wonderful Rime Royal for the 21st Century Reader.

    I thank you for such and excellent entry. ~Pamela


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 29
    Edit | Reply
    YAY!

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    while time betrayed my hopeful dreams

    Ahhh. 8 syllables.

    Perhaps

    while crucial time betrayed by hopeful dreams?


    I will be back. Love this beauty, ~Pamela *wilted _rose*


  • Gentle Bear
    January 25
    Edit | Reply

    Simply elegant

    How masterfully you have painted the guardian light of the nox upon your canvas. Bravo.


  • Deceits Tears silver member
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa !
    This Is just amazin, I wanted It not to end
    Well done and all the best In the contest

  • this was absolutely stunning, the rhyme was superb the flow absolutely stunning. I could feel the every movement of this piece as it billowed softly through me. I loved the use of vocabulary, it was advanced and creative but it wasn't awkward . . . it was cleverly placed and beautiful within the piece. I felt that this piece was tasteful. I think that you will do well in this contest. By the by . . . I love the title . . . it is heavenly.

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    Line 5, 6, 8, 10, 13 are off on syllable count. I didn't go further. Please double check syllable counts, 10 syllables per line. Plenty of time to tweak this. And please do as the subject matter is dear to my heart. I will be back to read this gem. ~Pamela


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    i love the title, and the rhyme was interesting. beautiful imagery, esp the second stanza, i loved


  • Mari Goes gold member
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    'Bold and bare dark limbs shaped a vase
    and you became the sweet flower of night'

    I have seen this sight many times when looking at the moon during the Winter.
    If I thought of choosing a poem to fit one of the sights I've seen last weekend, THIS poem of yours would be exactly what I'd been searching for.

    Liquid moon, what a lovely thought.
    Beautiful!


  • june0
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    I love some of the lines in this poem for instance,
    "time betrayed my hopeful dreams" & also this one, "pushed back darkness, pressed distant stars from sight". I think this is very good writing.

1 - 10 of 10