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scent.

5:00am

 

nothing could touch

her lub-dubs

more

 

she found it very fascinating

to sense how one breathes-

the rush of air

[in and out]

 

all the scents in the world couldn’t

replace that realization

 

God is great

God is great

she prayed while Frankie slept.

 

the green table

stood in front of her

it glared back at her.

 

 

6:00am

 

she wasn’t going to confront mortality

or melancholy today, she promised God

and phoned Ma

to inform and confirm her

[without measuring reality

or utterances-

reckless decisions were as sound as

 

cheap luggages;

scampering around like fasting crows

and hungry tigers]

 

“Ma, he is the one…

I like drowning with him, let me please.”

she half smiled.

  

 

7:00am

 

“see the eye of insecurity

hiding somewhere in the fruit-basket”, he told her jokingly

and she quenched

a beautiful

thirst

a moment

with his vagabond lips.

  

  

7:01am

 

a sky

melted

in desire's mouth

 

 

she was just happy

 

with the breath;

the scent

of peppermint tea

and his hair.

Author notes

lub-dub --- the sound of heartbeat. consult a biology book. lol... i love myself for being a bitch.

In a list

A contest entry

i distort facts at times. fact-of-my-life is sigularly a pain in the butt. so sometimes it's completely not fiction. don't waste your points on me please.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    5:00am is excellent, its real and tangible.

    Alright, the piece as a whole is breathtaking. Esha you make me envious


  • autarky
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    so many delicious smells...

    to argue with divebar, i love the word vagabond and the way you use it. like wandering lips...


  • divebar
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    "the rush of air going in and coming out"
    awkward wording

    "stood in front of her
    it glared back at her."
    of her, at he. the repetition is distracting

    not sure why cheap luggage was dropped down an italicized. it fit the other part, but that line shoulve stayed up in the stanza before.

    i personally dont like vagabond. but ive also used little in every poem ive written in the last 6 months, so take it for what its worth.

    the first two lines at 7:01am are cliche city

    thats all ive got. i like your take on the prompt. and 7am/ the end of 7:01 are awesome.


    • chloris
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      uff... come back and read and shit...
      i can't change anymore. i am happy with the changes. so kill me again... i love to see your remarks.


    • chloris
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      blah blah blah. thanks for reading.


  • And Hyetal
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    I could not not comment this. You have a very unique, story-telling style. I like how you combined religion and family love and just everything into one. It's like a novel in mini-form, which is even better.

    Though one thing I was confused on; why are these lines in italics?

    'cheap luggages;
    scampering around like fasting crows
    and hungry tigers'

    They were well-written, though, so it made up for it. And I like the 'lub dubbing'. Here're your clappies, though you'll probably shoot me for it.

    ~Cassie


    • chloris
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      i made the changes... just for you... i swear!

    • chloris
      January 17
      Edit | Reply
      lol... everything that's she is thinking about is in italics... everything i or the speaker or the narrator is observing is in normal font.

      and thank you... i won't shoot you you're too kind.


  • J.J. Sass
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    ahh.. something's cooking in here.. smells good! be sure to let me know when dinner's ready!


  • redbird
    January 14
    Edit | Reply
    wolfeh!

1 - 15 of 15