the sky was strange, the color of milk or teeth, overgrown with fat clouds waiting to envelop the earth;
a seamless stutter of rain passes over shallow ground but you and i are safe hiding beneath umbrellas; crouched and silent, whole and shattered, watching silty water run over chalked drawings, slipping through cracks in pavement;;
to be ten again, to feel that growth, your eyes yawning open to the world,
the oneness with the ground and rain and grass, the adrenaline pumping, those buttered moments of self-satisfaction, to feel dirt crumble in your hands,
to feel your muscles stretching, to hear your heart thrusting blood instead of this empty metallic clanging.
Author notes
AP name: bacchanalia
A contest entry
- the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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yes.
thanks for entering. -
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thank you!!
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yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
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thank you! will do
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This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
That being said, I really like the second part of this.
The imagery is very good, as is the emotion.
This'll be one to think about. =]
Thanks for entering, I'll be back.
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sounds good. thank you for taking the time to read it; i appreciate your comment
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to hear your heart thrusting blood instead of this empty metallic clanging.
I really enjoyed this
I love your imagery, and I've gotta say the background is gorgeous
thanks for entering! -
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thank you! i appreciate your feedback; very cool contest you've got going.
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Too true
"...crouched and silent, whole and shattered..." "...to feel your muscles stretching, to hear your heart thrusting blood instead of this empty metallic clanging." ~~ Wonderful images one can't help but feel. - You've tapped into an artery with this one. ~ Bravo! -
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thank you! i'm glad someone could identify with this feeling...
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Your first line is exquisite.
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thank you Melissa-- i really appreciate your feedback
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