Gods words
A precious thing
Using man's hand
As the pen.
Satan works
Behind the scene,
Using loss of faith
To gain his edge.
We destroy
What we don't understand.
Weak and wicked
We mortal span
Trace our paths,
As we dip lower
Into the dark.
Choice we make
Against the light
Not choosing wrong
Ignoring right.
Down
Down
Down
Our fall from grace.
Ending up
In Hell
This awful place.
Where pain is given
Forever pain.
With No God,
To take away
Nothing to gain.
Immortal souls
That finds no relief
We cry and moan
Finding no peace.
Gaping mouths
Eyes turned blind,
Cries and weeps
Think
While there's
Still Time.
A contest entry
- A Bible In The Toilet by Mad Pastor Grovell.
400 points, ended January 23, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
God
will surely
not be
very
impressed
with such
a
long and drawn-out
piece of writing
as this.
Nor am I.
Amen
Amen
Amen -
Well edited, I can understand the breaks in thought now though it is still a little rough with the transitions between thought such as going from God's word to Satan's workings. Taking out the commas has really benefited your piece!
-
Thank you for realizing that we aren't to judge those in the world because they are already under God's judgment. I really appreciate your poem.
As for critique, it is choppy but well conveyed. The use of commas was confusing-thus the choppy. The message was clear and not hateful. Thanks!
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