Everyday is a fight for me,
trying to keep up,
pay attention,
try to study,
get sidetracked,
or worse, study for 10hs,
then forget everything.
The moods are bad,
though worse without the meds...
everyone succeeds around me with little or no effort,
I struggle to overcome everything,
from eating with cutlery,
to understanding trigonometry....
most days, I get yelled at by my parents for making a mess...
or for being clumsy,
and many days I hear people joke about it.
"Stop acting ADD", "I am feeling ADD"...
rends my heart,
I, whom constantly struggling,
feel like I am being mocked.
My social graces border on nonexistent,
I have trouble making friends,
I get obsessed with various hobbies so as to alleviate the sense...
of having little control over my life,
of floating somewhere I cannot be reached; dissociated from reality.
People tell me "you're so smart" "you're such a fast reader"....
such empty compliments....
these days, I wonder why I was cursed.
Why I am never happy,
why the majority of my emotions have been silenced,
why I was born....
People talk in jealousy or otherwise, about how some people with it are geniuses,
about how they are special....
So many around me are ignorant,
if the school that I go to knew,
I would be discriminated against,
treated like an idiot...
the expectations,
to get a job, a drivers license...
overwhelm me,
alongside the random organization of my mind...
but worst of all is how people seem to think I am a slacker and lazy on purpose,
that most of all, burns a hole in my heart....
I try try try again, yet I never get anywhere no matter what I do...
I feel like the definition of me is failure.
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